Creating Ease through Organization

Are you living your life with EASE?  I'm not saying EASY!  As my friend and mentor, Tonya Leigh from the French Kiss Life always says, "Ease doesn't mean easy."

When I say living with ease, I mean living calmly, without unnecessary stress.  And the best way I've found to live with ease and minimal stress, starts with the "O" word.  NO!  Calm your pretty little mind over there.  The "O" word I'm talking about is ORGANIZATION.

Now please don't let the word organization freak you out.  We all know there are people who don't feel particularly organized on a day to day basis.  And there are others who continually tell themselves and others that they just aren't organized people.   - can you say, "Self fulfilling prophecy?"

Let's examine what it means to be organized and how it can contribute to a life of ease for you!

1.  PLAN.  You've heard this:  Plan your work and work your plan.  That phrase exists for a reason.  If you sit down for 10 to 15 minutes on a Sunday, you can plan your upcoming week beautifully.  This doesn't mean a rigid schedule - don't worry - it means being aware in advance of what you need to do and choose to accomplish for the week.

I always recommend a date book that you can keep with you, for example MINE !!!  If you have it with you everywhere you go, you can plan your life as you go through your day and not have to be that annoying individual who tells everyone, "Let me check my schedule at home and I'll get back to you."  Ugh!  If you are this person, please be sure to keep reading!  

People who are organized, living with ease and minimal stress are always wondering how the person who keeps their schedule at home manages to get through a day unscathed!   Don't be that person!!!  If you are, you are setting yourself up for extra, unnecessary stress!

Keeping your planner with you allows you to make decisions as you move throughout your day.  Once you write a task or appointment down, then all you need to do is show up for it!  That also means no more feeling as though you've forgotten something.  It means a plan, organization, accomplishment, ease and LESS STRESS!  I promise you this!

2.  DECLUTTER.  If you've visited my website, or read my blog posts over the past two years, you know that I am a big advocate of decluttering.  I honestly think one of my Superpowers is the ability to throw things away!  I will share a secret with you.  When you declutter your life, several wonderful things are going to happen for you!

First, you will feel great because things around you are cleaner and more streamlined.  Cleaning and straightening will take less time, which will free you up to focus on doing what you truly love.

Second, you actually know what you own!  This makes it much easier to shop for what you really need.  It is amazing what we accumulate over the years - and what we lose track of!

Third, you open up space to relax, be creative, and surround yourself with what brings you joy and brilliance!  And - like the tattoo on my arm says, "Suelement L'exquis"  Only the exquisite.  What a beautiful place to start, right?

Fourth, as you declutter all of the different places in your life, you'll find that you create an automatic mindset shift:  What you have will be of more importance to you, and you will take better care of it.
(This is another Blog Post, for another time.!)

3.  SIMPLIFY.   Why do something in one step that can be done in 6?!  Does this sound like you?  I highly suggest going for the 1 step!  Create ease by making chores, tasks and everything else work more easily for you.  Keep things organized so you can do what needs to be done without running around looking for what you need!  For example,

-  Put an outfit together the night before
-  Have a designated place to sit and pay your bills.
-  Keep a running grocery list so you know what you need when you're at the store.
-  Keep a list of Birthdays, Anniversaries, and other occasions so you don't forget anyone.
-  Give away clothing and accessories that you haven't used in the past year. 

-  Keep out only the make up you wear on a daily basis - not everything you own!

If you give this some thought, you can find lots of places in your daily life that could use a bit of clean up and simplification!   Take a week or so and pay close attention to your routines.  If you can think of a way to simplify absolutely any thing you do, DO IT!  It may seem small at the time, but all of the little improvements you make will add up quickly to a bunch of time for YOU!

4.  DECIDE.  Make an on-purpose decision to begin to create ease in all of the areas of your life.  When you spend the time to get your thoughts together, life will open up and become much more ease-filled!  Decide to clean out your car!  Decide to keep a planner!  Pay attention to what is going on around you.  When you declutter your life, you declutter your mind!

When you decide to create ease in your life, you'll find more opportunities will present themselves to you.  You'll feel more joy and you'll live each day with beauty and ease!

Love,
Donna

PS.  If you feel stuck in this area, like so many people do, just get in touch with me.  I'd love to support you through this journey!  Just email me at TheBrillianceFactor@gmail.com  We'll have a blast working together!!!

Who are you relying on....or creating your own cupcake!

Hello, Cupcake!

Have you ever taken the time to think about where you are getting your sense of validation?  Support?  Worth?  Value?  

Many of us are relying on others for this sense of well being.  What???  Sad, but we have all been there.  We see it in young people all the time.  Children are almost always looking for approval from their parents or their teachers, and it's perfectly normal.

But what happens when we bring that neediness into our adult lives?  Well we all must admit that it feels good when we get that validation.  When a boss tells you you're awesome, or your boyfriend tells you you're pretty, we glow a little brighter, right?  At least for a few minutes.  

The lesson here, my cupcake, is that we must not rely on others for our self confidence and our sense of well being.  First, you don't really need it.  You know the areas of your life where you are excelling, as well as which areas need a bit of TLC.  As long as you are aware of where you could use a little growth, you are perfect, just the way you are!  Awareness is key!

Whether you call your faith the Universe, God, or Mother Nature, in the eyes of your faith, YOU ARE ALREADY SHEER PERFECTION!

According to Joel Osteen, we "shouldn't put the pressure of reinforcing our self-worth on those around us.  They've got their own issues to deal with!"

Yes it's great to receive a compliment from people we care about or look up to, but nurturing your self-esteem is really YOUR responsibility, my love!  And mine!

I know how I want to live my life and how I want to relate to others.  I know that I am living the best life I can live and that I'm being a good person to all the people and animals around me!  I am learning the things that I feel I need to learn in order to excel in my career.  I'm surrounding myself with the beautiful things that make my every day living enjoyable.  Building my own cupcake-life!

Believe me when I tell you, this is an ongoing journey full of becoming aware and learning and decision making.  Am I perfect at it?  Hell no!  BUT!  As long as I am doing these things and moving myself toward who I have chosen to become, the better I feel about myself.

This is something that requires persistence and lots of thought, but as I grow, my need for approval from others shrinks!  As that need shrinks, the easier I am to be around, because I'm really ME!  Not a version of me that is only ok if the constant positive feedback is there.

So again, I will tell you, you don't need the reassurance from everyone around you.  You need it from yourself.  And creating a life you are proud to live is the best way to get that reassurance internally - from yourself!

Yes, take those compliments with a smile and a thank you, but don't live on them!  Create a beautiful life for yourself, so those comments are just the sprinkles on your cupcake!  

The cupcake itself?  Your self esteem?...you got that!

Love, 

Donna

PS. If you need a little help or push, get in touch with me and we can work on it together!!

www.brilliancefactor.com

Time to Make a Fresh Start?

Hello Beautiful...

Have you ever heard this quote?

"Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around."  

This is a quote from Penelope Cruz in the movie Vanilla Sky.  It quote has stayed with me since the first time I heard it, years ago when that movie first came out.  

And honestly my friend, Every passing moment IS another chance to turn it all around!

If you stop to think about this for a minute, you know in your heart that it is absolutely true.  We are 100% capable of examining our lives and changing our habits and mindset any time we choose to do so.  "Not me", you say?  Well let me show you how.

Almost everything we do, every day of our lives comes from a choice we've made.  For example:

We choose to go to work.  Or not.

Choose to over eat.  Or not.

Choose to under eat.  Or not.

Choose to sleep in.  Or not.

Choose to stay up late.

Dress as though we do or do not care about how we look.

Choose to watch TV.

Surround ourselves with beautiful things.  

Surround ourselves with crap.

Choose to be happy.

Choose to do a good deed.  Or not.

Choose to over spend.

Everything we do as we move through every day is a choice.  And believe me when I tell you:  THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!

Do you feel like you are living a life that is not quite up to what you desire?  Well, YOU get to change that!  Right now!

If your self confidence level isn't quite up to par, change it!  Dress better!  Put on some lipstick!  Get cute!  Read some news!  Learn something!  Clean something up!  Read something inspiring!  These are all things you can do immediately to improve your self confidence.  Every day, when you are getting ready to start your day, you are making these choices.  Why not make better ones?

This is how we create Beauty, Brains and Brilliance in our lives.  By making choices that lead us toward the life we desire.

Any given second, you can say, "I'm done being grumpy for today."  And find something that makes you smile or laugh.  Then practice feeling that happy feeling for the rest of the day.  Yes it takes practice, but it is so worth it!

Any given moment, you can say, "I don't want to be that person anymore." And begin to do things differently.  

Any given hour you can say. "I don't want to be the woman who over eats."  And you can decide to put off that snack for a while longer.

Any given day you can say, "I want to feel elegant from now on."  And you can begin planning the outfit and accessories and lipstick you want to wear tomorrow.

Any given week you can say, "Yes, I'm grateful for what I have, but this is not my dream job."  And quietly begin looking for something that lights you up!

Yes, these are just examples, but they are choices and decisions that you are making every day!  Good decisions or bad, whether they are on purpose decisions or subconscious decisions that you don't even realize you're making throughout your day.  You ARE making them.  

So now that the light bulb has gone on over that pretty little head of yours, don't you think it's time that you got into the Pilot's seat of your private jet and started mapping out your course, rather than living out of habit or default?  

Take the time to decide who you want to become.  Find 20 or 30 quiet, alone, uninterrupted minutes to contemplate this idea.  Once you know who and what you want to be, you can begin making daily choices that will guide you toward that place.  

In this day and age, and at our age, there is no reason for us to live an unfulfilled life!  We can be whomever, and do whatever we want to do!  So who are YOU going to be tomorrow?

Love,

Donna

PS.  Need a push to get you started?  Get these two books and you'll be well on your way!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/s/ref=is_s?k=donna+ferrante

And visit www.brilliancefactor.com

Let's work on this together!!!

1 Step to adding Beauty, Brains and Brilliance to your life. Part 3. BRILLIANCE!

1 Step to Adding Beauty, Brains and Brilliance to your life.  Part 3. Brilliance.

Do you FEEL LIKE being BRILLIANT today?  The reason I ask you this is to illustrate to you that being BRILLIANT on any given day or at any time of day, is 100% YOUR CHOICE.  

Every choice, every decision you make will create your day, and create the feelings you experience.    And those feelings will create your life!  So you must ask yourself this:  Will your thoughts create beautiful, empowering feelings?  Or will they create dull, negative, auto-pilot feelings?  And most importantly, what kind of life will those auto-pilot feelings bring you compared to the the life the empowering feelings will bring you?

Over the past 2 weeks we have discussed adding BEAUTY and BRAINS into your life, and we have found ways to do that by examining our behaviors and attitudes.  Hopefully you were able to choose something (or 10 things) that you could add to your life right away that result in BEAUTY.  And hopefully you have found several ways (or 5 ways) that you could use your beautiful BRAINS, as well!  

This week, we come to Part 3, which is where we talk about BRILLIANCE!   So let's dig in. 

The definition of BRILLIANCE is this:  "To shine brightly.  To act intelligently.  To utilize all of the facts available in order to make the best possible choices."  Does this sound like you?  If not, we have some work to do, my love!  Fun, glorious, empowering work!

In order to live your life with BRILLIANCE, there is only one step you must take.  And it is this:  TAKE ACTION!  Once you have narrowed down what it is that you want your life to look like, it is time to TAKE ACTION and make those things happen!

For example, you may have decided that you want to add BEAUTY by getting into shape!  You have used your BRAINS to decide that the best way to do that is to begin to work out.  The BRILLIANCE here is to TAKE ACTION by joining that gym, or scheduling time to begin running or walking. 

Another example, you may have decided that you want to add BEAUTY to your life by doing a better job of managing your finances.  (Been there!). You've used your BRAINS to get clear on what your expenses are and possibly even created a budget!  The BRILLIANCE here will be to stick to that budget!  Take action by scheduling a meeting with yourself once each week - or once each payday - to review your bills and expenses and spending habits to be sure you are on track.  

How about this:  You have decided to add BEAUTY to your life by paying more attention to how you look, how you present yourself each day.  You've used your BRAINS to clean out your closet, put outfits together and you've even gotten a makeup lesson!  The BRILLIANCE happens when you take action by making sure you allow yourself enough time each morning to get ready for your day!  

BRILLIANCE is all about showing up for yourself.  When you take the appropriate action to make the decisions you've made come to life, you are living brilliantly.  You are living your life on purpose.  You are designing your life and building it into what you truly desire.  

I remember a time, not too long ago, when I used my BEAUTY, BRAINS and BRILLIANCE in order to create something I truly wanted in my life.  I had made the decision to write my first book, which was a journal.  I had no idea where to start, but I was sure I wanted to do this.  So here is what I did:

BEAUTY:  I decided that creating this book was what I really wanted.  I wanted to write something and feel the sense of pride I knew I'd feel once I accomplished this!

BRAINS:  I needed to get in touch with someone I knew who had written several books.  She wasn't a close friend at the time, but I knew she'd help me.  I signed up for a class she was offering.  I invested the time and money in myself.  And boy, did I learn from her!!!

BRILLIANCE:  Once I learned what I needed to do, I took action and scheduled writing time into my planner.  I knew that if I scheduled the time, it would get done.  Then all I had to do was show up for myself at those scheduled times and the book would come to fruition.  

And it did. And was it perfect??  Absolutely not!  It was double the size I needed it to be!  As thick a book as Harry Potter!  But because I had gone through this process, I was able to go back through and rework it a little differently so it would come out to the perfect size!  

Yes.  There were days when I did not want to write, and in those days, I gave myself a break by not expecting too much progress.  I still sat down at my scheduled times and began writing.  Some of the challenging days resulted in 2 or 3 pages.  Other challenging days resulted in 50 pages.  But I SHOWED UP.  I TOOK ACTION!  And because In did that, I learned what I needed to know and I'm now working on my 6th book!

So tell me, what have you decided to do?  Have you begun to show up for yourself to begin to make it happen?  Do you need some help?  Well, I'm here for you.  

Love,

Donna

Just visit www.brilliancefactor.com or email me at thebrilliancefactor@gmail.com and We can talk about how we can work together to bring your dreams into fruition!

5 Steps to Adding Beauty, Brains and Brilliance to Your Life. Part 2 Brains!

Brains, baby!  That's what we're talking about today.  And I don't mean your IQ, either.  I'm talking about your awareness.  Your decision making ability.  Your environmental scan.  All of these things go into the discussion about BRAINS.

Are you willing to stop and THINK?  Many people just aren't willing to sit still for a few minutes and take the time to actually think about what they need, what they want and love.  These people are living their lives by default.  They are on Auto-Pilot, just going about their day moving mindlessly through tasks.  Going through the motions, not feeling much of anything.  Is this you?  No problem, my dear!  Perhaps it won't be you by the end of this post!  We can only hope!

When you take the time to use your beautiful brain, you will find that the world opens up for you.  Once you discover what you truly love, you can begin to bring those things, feelings, people and places into your life!  Sound good?  Let's get going.

The first step to using your brain is to recognize what is going on around you.  Pull yourself out of auto-pilot mode and pay attention!  Don't make any big changes right away. Give that computer in your head a few days to calculate what is happening in your life.  As you move through your day, pay attention to how you feel.  You might even want to pick up a journal to record how and what you are doing, as you begin to slow down and think!  You can get a kick-a** journal right here!  Write it all down!  What you are doing.  How you are feeling. Do you feel as though you are wasting time?  Do you LOVE what you're doing?  Do you HATE it?  How are you feeling in your surroundings?  Do you feel empowered?  Do you feel as though you are surrounded by beauty?  Comfort?  Keep track of all of it for at least three days.  Once you go back and review what you've written, you'll be able to make some decisions about what you REALLY want in your life!

The second step is to consider your decision-making ability.  Remember that like all of us, there will be a few things you cannot change.  Paying bills, working with your children, going to your day job, for example.  Well, you can't change them right away.  But I am here to tell you, there is ALWAYS a way to make an unpleasant task more enjoyable. Always!  Here are some examples of the types of decisions you will be making as you go through this process:

1.  Do I love my surroundings?  How can I modify them to reflect who I really am and what I love?  This is highly important!  This is where you create your world!  This is where you can change what you are allowing into your life.  We create beauty by managing our surroundings.  Maybe you can clean your house a bit better - or save up so a cleaning lady can come in now and then!  Maybe you should re-cover your sofa and chairs as a way of updating them.  Maybe you should replace that old poster of AC/DC that you have on your wall with something more beautiful.  Maybe you need to declutter your home.  Get rid of all the junk you've been accumulating!  Have a yard sale and use the money from that junk to update things in your home.  And remember, nothing needs to be expensive!  Go get a $5.00 bouquet at the grocery store and a $2.00 vase at the dollar store.  Instant Glamour!!!

2.  Do I love my job?  Some days, I'm sure you do, but are you doing what you LOVE?  Do you need to add a hobby into your life so you feel more fulfilled?  Do you need to look for a new job altogether?  Only you can make this decision, but remember, the world is your runway and you can make any decision you want to make!

3.  Are there other areas in your life where you are feeling depleted?  Do you need to find someone else to pick up your children from school?  Do you need someone else to do your shopping?  There are lots of online services that will send your groceries right to your home!  Yes, this will be more expensive, but would it be worth it to you if you didn't have to perform that task any longer?  Maybe, and that is a decision you have to make. These are decisions that you can make which will immediately impact your life!

4.  Do you need to go back to school?  Finish your degree?  START on your degree?  No one ever said you have to go full time, even taking one class at a time will give you the feeling of making progress!  If this is something you are interested in, begin looking into it right away!  It's NEVER too late to start.  (I did the 25 year part-time plan!)

5.  Which other areas of your life are in need of some decision making TLC?  Make yourself a list of what you've chosen.  Prioritize that list and make some decisions!  YOU CAN DO IT!  And the more decisions you make, the easier it will become to continue making them!

Now, let's quickly discuss your environmental scan.  I have a friend who makes me laugh every day.  Any time I am with Libby and someone would act oblivious, extra loud, or otherwise inappropriate, she would say they had no environmental scan.  That has stayed with me for years.  Do you have a good environmental scanner?  Do you walk around in a daze, bumping into furniture, tripping over nothing (I've done this!), being too loud because you haven't noticed what is going on around you?  Now, I'm not saying don't be yourself.  I'm just saying be aware of what is happening around you.  For example, it would be horrible to tell a risqué joke at a funeral.  It would be horrible to laugh excessively loud in a hospital or a library.  Once you learn that your environmental scan is your friend, you can use it to determine what you love, who you love, what you don't love and what you do and do not want in your life.  Your environmental scan is your ability to pay attention to your surroundings.  For your sake and the sake of others, please develop your ability to pay attention to what is happening around you!  

I am putting this information under the category of Brains because I believe that if you pay attention to what is happening, you'll be better equipped to make decisions and move yourself forward - towards the life you've always wanted to live.

I have a feeling that once you begin to stop and take the time to think about what you truly want your life to look like, the steps to create that life will become clear to you.  And once you begin operating this way, aware of your environment, using your brain, you'll find more and more things that you are capable of doing that you never thought about before!  All it takes is a little time and a little brain power!  You are WELL-EQUIPPED, so let's get going!

Love,
Donna

PS.  If you would like some more information and inspiration, please visit my website:
www.brilliancefactor.com where you'll learn how you can work with me to start taking action on creating the best life possible!

And please leave me a comment below.  I'd love to know what you think about this post!
Stay tuned for next week's Part 3.  BRILLANCE!!!

10 Steps to Adding Beauty, Brains and Brilliance to Your Life. Part 1 -Beauty

How important is beauty to you and to your life?  Do you see Beauty as frivolous and unnecessary?

Let me begin by sharing this quote with you:


 
"Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself."  Coco Chanel 


Let me ask you this question.  What is beauty to you?  Do you look all around you and see beauty in your children, in your pets, your spouse, your friends?  Do you look at your home and see beauty that is created by YOU?  When you look into your closet, do you see a wardrobe that you have curated into a beautiful selection that reflects your personal style?

Beauty can mean very different things to different people.  It is always in your best interest to determine what beauty means to you.  And once you've done that, it is also your responsibility to create that beauty in every area of your life.  I'm not suggesting you do this in order to look better than anyone else, or to feel superior to anyone.  I'm suggesting, no, insisting that you determine what is beautiful to you and surround yourself with it.  Surrounding yourself with beauty will create a feeling of happiness and contentment that is only for YOU.

Where you find beauty in this life is most likely, completely different than where I find beauty.  When I choose to add beauty that I into my life, it is only for me.  For me, to create beauty is to create a feeling, an atmosphere, a way of being that reinforces who I want to become.   I have spent a great deal of time seeking out and choosing what I find to be beautiful in the various areas of my life and then implementing those things into my daily life.  By doing this, I wake up every day surrounded by beauty and embodying that beauty, just for me.  When I live my life and go about each day enjoying the beautiful things in my life, I am living a life I've chosen for myself - not one that I've stumbled upon accidentally, or inherited from someone else's ideas.

By living on purpose, and allowing only the exquisite - suelement l'exquis - into my life, I am choosing the way I live my life.  I am selecting what I allow into my life, and I am very particular about what that is.  I am referring to food, people, things, ideas, clothes, shoes, decorative items, jewelry, all of it.  Only the exquisite.  And that's just me.

Once we are able to choose who we want to become, and surround ourselves with those things that represent the life we want to live, we will begin to feel that the life we want is already ours!  And when we live this way, everything will begin to show up for us.

Please believe me, I am not suggesting that you run out and purchase things you cannot afford.  What I am saying is slow down!  Don't purchase things just because they are a "good deal."  Curate what you allow into your life very carefully and begin to weed out what doesn't feel exquisite to you and doesn't represent who you are becoming.

Here are some things that have worked for me when adding beauty into my life.  I think they may work for you as well.

1.  Give yourself a little more time in the morning when you are getting ready to begin your day.  Take a few extra minutes and put on some make up, fix your hair, make a conscious choice about what you're going to wear.  Then ask yourself if what you've done represents who you would like to become.  If not, make some changes.  Try again tomorrow, and again and again until you feel exactly the way you want to feel as your begin your day.

2.  Clean your house!  That's right!  I don't mean just dusting and vacuuming.  I mean rid yourself of all of the excess that clutters up your home and your mind.  Clean up the kitchen.  Put things away.  Declutter your brains out!!!  Clarity is  power and simplicity is freedom.  Lighten up your load of "junk" so you can open yourself up to lightness and creativity.

3.  Clean out your car!  Seriously!  Burger wrappers and stray fries in the backseat?  Children's toys, I totally get that, but at least put them in a tote bag behind one of the seats!  You can tell a lot about a person by looking into their car.  What is your car saying about you?  And I don't mean the Make/Model.  I'm talking about the cleanliness.  Your attention to detail!  Give it some thought and get it cleaned out!

4.  When is the last time you cleaned out your makeup drawer?  Wash those brushes!  Even if you are the only one using them, they need to be cleaned at least once each month.  Baby shampoo works great, so does dish washing liquid.  Are you hoarding makeup from 5 or 10 years ago because it was expensive?  Say bye bye to that old, expired stuff!  You don't need it, and anything you've held onto for that long, you haven't been using.  Again!  Bye bye!!!

5.  Put some fresh flowers in your house.  Flowers are Nature's Chanel.  They create a beautiful mood and atmosphere wherever you put them.  They don't need to be expensive!  Costco has them, your local grocery store has them.  Even your local gas station probably has them.  Get yourself some flowers and put them where you can see them, them write a comment below and let me know how they make you feel.

6.  Get yourself some beautiful candles!  These don't have to be expensive either!  TJMaxx HomeGoods has TONS of them!  So does the Dollar Store!  Create a beautiful mood with some candles in your bathroom, on your dining table, in your bedroom!  If the flame freaks you out, get some flameless candles.  You won't get a great scent from them, but the ambiance will be there!

7.  Find some beautiful music to listen to!  Just some pretty background music when nothing else is going on.  This is another great way to create ambiance and beauty in your home.

8.  Put a beautiful picture of someone you love on your bedside table.  Use a beautiful frame.  I also believe you should get yourself a beautiful water glass for your bedside table.  The Red Solo Cup does not scream BEAUTY!  Get something pretty that makes you feel special!  I have a Baccarat Crystal Tumbler.  Just one!  It makes me feel like a queen!

9.  Clean off your bathroom vanity!  Is everything you own out on display?  Let's get that stuff put away, my beautiful creature!  Only keep what you use every day around, and put everything else in a cabinet or in a pretty box somewhere.  Declutter, declutter, declutter!  Put a pretty candle on your vanity!  Clean it up even if no one but you sees it!  This is not for anyone else.  Just YOU.

10.  When you have dinner, use your prettiest serving dishes, your prettiest china.  Use real flatware and NOT plastic!  Get yourself a few cloth napkins.  Glam it up, baby!  This will make mealtime much more elegant and enjoyable.  Those cloth napkins will go nicely in your laundry when you're done!  Light the candles, put on some music and create the feeling of elegance and beauty when you dine!


"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."  Virginia Woolf


These are just a few of my ideas for adding beauty into your life, and I admit that they may take a bit of work to create.  Some of them are quick fixes and others will take some thought.  However, when it comes to creating beauty in your life, this is a wonderful place to start.

Please leave me a comment below and let me know what you think about this week's post!

Next week:  BRAINS!  my love!  BRAINS!

Have a Beautifully Brilliant Day!!

Donna

Please visit my website.  Here you will gain more inspiration and learn how you can work with me to create your most beautiful life!  

www.BrillianceFactor.com

The Day I Got a Migraine from Rolling My Eyes!

THAT was a fun day.  It was my 9th day in a row of working.  We were having a huge event with a huge goal and each day was a marathon.  Every day required super-hero strength and energy.  And every ounce of my being was fighting back.

Yes, I try to stay healthy, eat well, drink plenty of water, enough sleep, etc.  But for this event, there wasn't time for anything like that.  It was go-go-go time.  And my body was screaming stop-stop-stop!

Then the day started.  

I got to work a bit early so I could be prepared for my day with supplies and anything else I might need.  Then, as soon as I walked into the building, our Loss Prevention Manager stopped me and asked me to read and sign a document that outlined an update to our Employee Discount program. (Eye roll #1). I've been in this business for nearly 40 years.  I get it. The discount is not to be shared with friends, blah, blah, blah.  

I tried to get out of reading it and just sign the form, but he called me on that and made me stand there, with 6 other people, reading the form and then signing the document in his presence!  (Eye roll #2).  Was he afraid that I'd sign someone else's name?  Seriously!!!

Then I went to the elevator to bring my supplies to my floor.  ELEVATOR.  BROKEN.  AGAIN.  (Eye roll #3).   So being the team player that I am, I lug all of my things up 3 flights of stairs.  Maybe I can take a quick breather when I get to my floor.  

Wait!  There is a department meeting going on and everyone sees me come in with too many bags of stuff!  Late!!!  

"Sorry I'm late, I had to sign......."  Interrupted.  Keep the meeting going.  Some middle manager is telling everyone the importance of repeating the words: "Would you like to use your **** credit card to take care of your purchase?"  (Eye roll #4)  Now memorize that.

And while we're at it, let's role play saying it to each other.  (Eye roll #5)

After my ninth day in a row, absolutely everything was driving me crazy.  The cackling of the older women talking about the state of the store.  Bursting into unnecessarily loud laughter.  I couldn't take it.  My mind, body and spirit were worn down to a nub.  (Eye roll #6)

Yes! I loved the job I had at the time.  I enjoyed everything I did from day to day.

But this was just too many days in a row. Too intense.  Too high a goal.  Not enough traffic in the store to warrant the high goal.  And NINE DAYS STRAIGHT??? (Eye roll #7)

That day, I went home with the worst headache of my life.  I felt like someone had been chasing me around all day demanding more and more from me.  When I finally was able to leave for the day, I felt as though I was crushed like a Pinot grape.

I rushed home as fast as I could that night.  I didn't eat, I drank a bit of water, washed my face and dragged myself into my bed.  Turns out I wasn't helping myself by rushing to bed the way I did.  If I had known then what I know now!  (Eye roll #8)

END OF THAT DAY.  END OF THAT EVENT (We did make our goal!).

Now.  In 2016, I choose to spend a respectable amount of time making sure I am doing well. I pamper myself when called for.  Mani/pedi, the right amount of sleep, clean, good food, and I use music to change my mood when necessary.  I also spend a great deal of time alone with my thoughts.  Doing this allows me to monitor how I am feeling.  To be aware of what is triggering my thoughts and actions.

So if I'd had that horrible day how up in my life now, I would be well equipped to manage my energy and my attitude.  Equipped to deal with my internal dialog and my external aching feet!  To manage my sweaty armpits and the dark circles under my eyes!

If this day were to show up now, I'd laugh with the Loss Prevention Manager about how seriously he's taking a most likely unenforceable document!

If this day were to read it's ugly little head now, I would remind myself that I was getting great exercise during the time the elevator was out.  I'd reward myself by taking it easy that night!

If this day were to happen again, I would be the loudest role player at the meeting, just to make everyone laugh!  I would either participate in, or walk away from the cackling ladies.  I would remind myself that they are happy ladies and I should be happy for them, rather than impatient.

I also would be smart enough to schedule a massage for a pedicure, so I could stop on my way home that day.  I'd have lots of water around at all times.  I'd make sure I got some exercise in and a good meal before flinging myself into bed.

I would remember to be grateful that I have a job I love, where I get to roll my eyes!  I'd be grateful for the nice people I am blessed to work with every day.  And finally, I'd be grateful for the beautiful life I get to live.  The beautiful place where I get to live!

And then finally, I'd be grateful for LeMetier de Beaute Peau Vierge Corrector/Concealer in Shade 0 because it covers all the ugly spots!  I'd hold my head high, know that I work very hard, and I'd take pride in my accomplishments.  Even the sweaty, difficult ones.

So GO BE GRATEFUL for every second of your sweaty, sticky, cackling, frustrating life. And be grateful that you get to manage those days into exactly what you want them to look like.  Be grateful that life is wonderful!!!

Love,
Donna

And if you'd like some additional inspiration, visit my Website at:

www.BrillianceFactor.com

It is here that you will learn how you can work with me and create the life of your dreams, with no shame, guilt or EYE ROLLING MIGRAINES!!!

Shame: A total waste of time!

If you are like me - and most women - there are things in your past that you would rather not tell the whole world about.  Like that guy, or those guys from college - or that girl!  The bad financial decision you made when you were younger.  That impulsive choice you made that left you alone and alienated from your people.  How badly you treated your body.  How badly you treated others.

Now don't get me wrong, I am all about keeping your own secrets, not airing your dirty laundry, not over sharing everything that you've ever done in your past.  There are things that you should absolutely keep to yourself.  And we as women love a little secret, don't we?  So once again, don't think for a minute that I'm suggesting you hold an intervention for yourself, invite everyone you know and spill your guts.  Absolutely not!  What I am suggesting though, is that you find a way to look at your past, accept what has happened, learn the lesson and MOVE ON FROM IT!  

Let's examine my suggestions for getting past any guilt and shame you may be feeling about how you've lived your life.  

1.  Look at your past.  One of the best ways to get past any shame you are feeling is to take the time to think about the situation.  Where was your heart?  What did your life look like at that time?  How were you feeling?  How was your confidence level back then?  

You must hear me on this.  There was and is NOTHING wrong with you.  Yes, you made a questionable decision.  Big freaking deal!  You made a mistake.  Who doesn't make mistakes?  You did something stupid?  Welcome to the big girls club!  

2.  Accept what happened!  Ok.  As I said, you made a questionable choice.  You made a questionable choice, and you made a questionable choice.  EVERYONE DOES THAT!  You must accept the fact that at that moment, you weren't perfect - like you are now!  Tell yourself this, "Yea, I did that.  It's just what I did.  I did the best I could at the time."  And remember, MANY, MANY, MANY OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE THE SAME THING!  No big deal!  

3.  Learn the lesson.  Ask yourself what the hell was going on?  You made a decision.  A bad one.  Why did you make that decision?  Try to remember all of the circumstances.  What did you learn?  Did you realize it was a mistake right away?  If not, what made you think it was a mistake?  Was it REALLY a mistake, or do you just tell yourself it was a mistake.  What was the lesson you learned?  Dig deep for this.   Spend some time thinking about it.  

Was it a mistake that you made again and again?  Did you make the mistake only one time because you realized what you were doing?  

Did you learn to respect yourself?  Did you learn that despite how it felt at the time, you kept on living?  Bravo!  Did you learn to be a bit less impulsive?  To think through consequences before acting in the future?  Do you have advice inside you that you'd like to share with someone who is in the same situation you were in?  These lessons are extremely important.  They will help you re-write your story, so you can love your life and walk away from any quilt or shame that you've been hiding.

4.  Move on, baby!  Once you begin to understand why you made the questionable decisions you've made as well as the lessons you've learned, you can move on.  You'll be able to tell your story - if you choose to do so - with a sense of calm acceptance.  

Try to re-tell your story to yourself.  This may take some practice.  When you are writing, keep in mind who you were at the time, what the circumstances were in your life at the time, and what lessons you learned from it.  Then once you know the story you choose to tell, and if you choose to do so, find a close friend who you can share your story with.  I recommend doing this at least once, just to see how it feels.  

While you are working through this, you must internalize this:  YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD DO AT THE TIME WITH THE TOOLS YOU HAD TO WORK WITH.  YOU LEARNED A LESSON  AND NO ONE WILL EVER ACCUSE YOU OF NOT LIVING  AN INTERESTING LIFE!!!

My love, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.  Please believe me.  Share it, or keep it all to yourself.  Regardless of what you choose to do with the information, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR YOU TO BE ASHAMED OF YOUR PAST.  

Your past has brought you to where you are right now.  Are there improvements that can be made in your life now?  Fine! Make them!  Are you finally where you want to be?  Remember that one tiny little change in the path you have taken, and you wouldn't be where you are now.  

So please, if you have any shame or regret from your past, follow my steps to get yourself past those feelings.  Who knows how many other women need to learn from you!!!

Love,

Donna

PS.  For more inspiration or help, please visit my www.brilliancefactor.com

Or email me at Donna.tbf@gmail.com.  I would love to hear from you!

Five Things I Learned In France!

Every time I go to France, or any other country, I come home amazed at what I've learned. This time, however, I saw 5 light bulbs go on over my head.  5 shimmering, glimmering disco ball light bulbs!  I'm super excited to share these with you for a couple of reasons.  

First, I want to inspire you to travel.  Get out of your comfort zone, wherever that may be. If you've never left your state, your city, your community, hopefully this will give you a reason to set out on a journey of your own. 

Second, I want to inspire you to recognize how grand and beautiful our world really is. Truly, there is so much to see and to experience.  A travel journey will teach you something every single day.  To realize that we aren't alone on this planet, and to form connections with people who are nothing like us can be life changing!  I highly recommend giving it a try.

Here are the 5 things I've learned from my recent trip to France:

1.  I need to slow my brain down!  Whoa girl, back it down a notch!

Everywhere in Paris, you see people taking long breakfasts and lunches.  You see them sitting at cafe's enjoying their 3rd cafe latte and never once looking at their watches.  So why are we always in such a hurry?  Is it that we're over scheduling ourselves?  Are we sleeping too late in the mornings?  Are we taking too long to get where we want to go?  

Actually, I learned that it is none of those things.  The French have places to be just as we do.  The difference is all in your mind!  We don't necessarily need to move more slowly. What we need to do is stop being so frantic!  The constant running around is crazy making!

Get yourself where you need to go, but get there gracefully.  Walk, don't run.  Saunter, don't sprint.  Plan your activities so that you have time to get where you need to go without the crazy rush!  When you do this, you'll arrive much more polished, poised and confident.  

There is no need to scramble, but there is a need to do a little planning.  Plan for calm. Slow down your mind and enjoy where you're going!  Enjoy the process of getting there.

2.  It only take one or two little steps to look like a supermodel.

The entire time I was in France, I was looking for the runway models on the streets.  Guess what?  They are there, but you can't even tell!  They don't wear Oscar dresses to lunch. They don't wear all of their diamonds to the park!  Their hair isn't perfect every minute of every day!

How do they look so amazing?  One word:  ACCESSORIZE.  Keep your daily wardrobe clean, stylish, but basic.  The fabulosity is in the accessories.  The beautiful pumps or boots.  The Hermes - or Hermes looking - scarf.  The great handbag!  These stylish items paired with your wardrobe of basics, will turn you into the rock star you desire to be! Dress French, baby!

3.  Every picture tells a story!  

In France, people surround themselves with what they have available to them.  Grandma's side table, Mom's linen napkins.  Auntie's pearl earrings.  A framed picture they took while on vacation with their friends or family.  The lovely people I met had beautiful, understated things in their homes and businesses.  When I asked about various items, every one of them had a story behind it and a reason for them to keep it.  

Here in the US, we may not have many family heirlooms, but we can still live this interesting life.  Be sure the items that you purchase for yourself and your home are things that have meaning to you.  If someone were to ask you why you chose something, be sure there is a good reason for having it!  Maybe it reminds you of your favorite relative, or reminds you that you love to travel!  Be sure you are curating your surroundings and not merely accumulating things without thinking it through.

When every item has a story, things become - and YOU become - much more interesting!

4.  People in France do not hate Americans!

And what a relief this was to learn!  Yes, I knew we weren't hated in Paris, but this time, I met some of the friendliest, happiest and most generous people in other areas of France.  I met a beautiful woman who explained the meaning of the American Cemetery in Normandy.  I lovely tour guide spent time with me alone, recommending restaurants to try.  Another sweet girl let her 5 year old play patty cake with me at Mt. St. Michel.  Nice people everywhere!

It all boils down to the Golden Rule.  Do unto others, baby.  Approach others with a friendly smile and 99% of the time you'll get that friendliness and the smile back.  Learn a word or two of the local language and try it on for size!  And above all, don't take yourself too seriously!  Laugh at yourself!  We are not perfect and we must accept that and have a good laugh!!!

We Americans tend to become very impatient when we don't understand something in the first five seconds!  We are not in a microwave!  Please trust me when I say the rest of the world isn't in one either!  Calm down!  Don't get frustrated!  And if you get angry, don't let it show!  People are nice to those who are nice back!!!

The French do not hate Americans!  They hate obnoxious people!  Don't you???

5.  Having it all is relative.

This trip to France taught me that I am very blessed with what I have in my life.  I saw people living in tiny shacks along the train route.  I saw a woman with tattered clothing laughing and playing with her children in the Tuileries in Paris.  I saw a man sitting on a park bench in Montmartre with a woman tear his sandwich in half to share it with her.  I saw an artist in Montmartre walk over to me as I was considering buying a small piece of artwork from a different artist, and join the conversation.  This helped the OTHER artist get the sale.

As I write this with appreciative, teary eyes, I realize that I have been blessed with SO much abundance. I have beautiful friends who are always there for me.  I live in a beautiful building that represents exactly how I want to live.  I drive a safe, respectable car.  In addition to writing to you, I have a job that I go to each day that pays me well and surrounds me with beauty and luxury.  I have wonderful mentors who do not judge me, but encourage me to move forward with my dreams.  I have parents and brothers who love me. I have been able to travel to many parts of the world and experience different cultures.

Yes, my beautiful friend.  I am truly blessed.  I have what I need.  Yes, there are struggles from time to time - just like everyone has.  Sometimes financially oriented, sometimes relationship oriented, sometimes trying my patience.

However, the bottom line is this:  I have all that I need.  And so much more.  I have learned to appreciate little things and I have learned to STOP.  Stop and take a moment to express my gratitude.  Gratitude for YOU, my readers, and for everything else that I have in my life.
With love,
Donna

For more information, please visit www.BrillianceFactor.com  where you'll get more inspiration, and learn how you and I can work together.

DESIGN OR DEFAULT?

What is your philosophy on life?  Wow!  Big question, right?
"I need a philosophy on life now?" you ask.
The answer to that is no.  You do not need a philosophy on life.  You already have one, whether you know it or not.  Let me explain.

You can narrow the question of life's philosophy down to these two words:

DESIGN  or  DEFAULT

Let's cover the Default philosophy first.  If you are living your life one day, one second at a time without giving much thought to where you are going, what you are doing or how you are living, you are living within the Default philosophy.  If you aren't a planner and you just roll with the punches, you are living within the Default philosophy.

To many people, this lifestyle sounds like an easy one.  You just go with the flow, relax, don't think too much, assume everything will work itself out.  This is a true statement.  Life will work itself out.  Trees will grown, sun will shine, rain will fall, and life will go on.  You'll have all of the ups and downs that life throws at you.  And chances are, you will be able to "handle" everything as it happens.  The good, the bad and the ugly.

The consequences, however of living within the Default philosophy is that while yes, life will work itself out, it most likely won't work itself out just to please you.  It may even work itself out in a way that may make more work, trouble and drama for you.  Remember, living this way places you at the whim of the Universe!

Have you ever known someone who is just full of drama all the time?  Flat tires on the way to work, mediocre relationships, troubled kids, troubled job situation, just drama, drama everywhere!  It is exhausting to be around this person!  They are late for things, change plans at the last minute and think nothing of making you wait while they put out their latest fire!

Now THAT is a tough life.  Do you want to life that life?  Do you HAVE that life?

There have been times in my life that it felt like every person in my life is living this way, and I hated it!  I don't think I ever lived this way myself, however, I'd be willing to bet that I've had periods of time when my life looked this way.  So what's a person to do?

Let me share!

The alternative to this default lifestyle is the DESIGN philosophy.

When you take the time to design your life, you are taking the steps necessary to manage and guide yourself toward a life you have CHOSEN to live.  When you give yourself the time to sit and think about YOUR life and what type of reality you choose to live, you can begin to create that reality, that world, all around yourself.

Now, just because you envision a world of ease, elegance, respect and accomplishment doesn't mean that it's going to show up on your door step in a big blue Tiffany's box.  Au contraire, mon ami!

Creating this life takes effort, on-purpose planning and a giant dose of mindset adjustment.  Does that sound like too much work for you?  Well let me tell you why it's worth it!  Once you create clear goals and place yourself on the path toward a life that you have designed for yourself, you will see circumstances calm down for you.  Once you choose what and whom you want to surround yourself with, you'll begin to make your daily decisions based upon what you want your life to look like.  They will be carefully thought out decisions that continually lead you toward your desired life.  There will be no random moves, no jumping into the fire without thinking.  Every choice you make will be on purpose and because of this, you will guide yourself to exactly where you want to go.

Here is an example of how the Design philosophy will serve you.

Yes, it takes a lot of work to sit down and plan your budget and bills.  But once you do that, you will be clear on what you have and where your money is going.  This results in less stress, fewer checkbook mistakes, and guess what else?  No last minute trip to the bank to figure it all out.  Even if you live on a tight budget, you'll KNOW what you need to do, what you have and do not have, and you'll know where you can spend your money, ad where you need to hold back.  No bad, self-inflicted surprises!

Here's one more example.

As an organized individual who is planning her life and working her plan, you will be writing out everything you want to do and need to do.  You will have scheduled everything for yourself and you'll know where you need to be and when to be there.  This means no rushing to meet someone you forgot about.  No more trips to the store after work because you want to go out and wore the wrong outfit.  No more aggravated looks from your friends because you were late - again.  You'll feel great - and all grown up - when you live your life by following your dreams and your plan.  The bottom line is, you'll be living your life on purpose and with CONFIDENCE.

Remember, I'm not suggesting that you force yourself to feel stifled by sticking to a plan that feels rigid.  This DESIGN is YOUR plan.  Designed by you and for you.

Will it take some time to get this concept of designing your life moving forward?  Most likely yes, but just think of the time and drama you will save yourself once it is all up and running.  Think of the last minute scrambles it will save you!

Creating and designing your own reality will offer you so much more than time savings!  You will be able to choose exactly what your daily life looks like.  That will be extremely valuable to you as you move forward.

As I always say to you, what we focus on is what grows.  Whether it is good or bad, what we choose to focus on creates our life.  When you focus on what you truly want and value in your life, you will receive more of it.  So very seriously I tell you, focus on the good stuff. Focus on it as though you already have it in the palm of your hand.  Focus on peace and calm in your life, and you will receive more peace and calm.

There are other wonderful things you can design into your life as well.  For example,

1.  Fitness and Health.  Schedule your workout/exercise time.
2.  Want to write?  Schedule time for that.
3.  Need to call your parents more often?  Schedule it.
4.  Need to de-clutter your closet?  Block out time for that.
5.  Car need washed?  Nails need done?  Windows need washed?  Schedule it!
6.  Do you have medical appointments you've been putting off?  Get them scheduled!

Once you begin scheduling your tasks and desires into your life, then all you need to do is SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF!  Easy!  Here is how it works:

1.  Look at your planner and what you have scheduled.
2.  Show up for yourself.
3.  Complete the actions or tasks.
4.  Celebrate the new you and the sense of accomplishment.

When you are setting up your newly designed life, ask your friends and/or family to help you by holding you accountable.  They will love to be part of the new you!

If you find yourself asking this question, "What exactly do I want?  Where do I begin?  What needs changing?  How do I start the design process?"  I'll tell you how I started:  With a bunch of pretty pens and a big tablet.  Just make notes:

What do I love doing?
What makes me happy?
When do I feel the most successful?
When do I fee proud of myself?
...and the big one:  In a perfect world, what would my life look like?  How would I dress?  How would I speak?  What would I be doing?  How would I be acting?

Take some time to answer these questions for yourself.  It will become clear to you, if you are living your best life or if you are not.  And you can design from there, by adding what's missing and deleting what's holding you back.

Designing your life, rather than living by default, is the most valuable gift you can give yourself.  So make a start and take a stand.   And let me know how it goes for you.  Stay in touch, and if you need help, please reach out to me!

Love,
Donna

And for more information, please visit www.Brilliancefactor.com.  Here you'll find more inspiration and ideas about living a life you love, as well as how to work with me!

JUST SAY NO!!!

NO!  Such a beautiful word.  Practice this:  "NO!"

You, my dear must learn to say NO if you truly want to design your most brilliant life. Here's one of my stories:

I spent such a long time trying to figure out who I am.  Years, as a matter of fact.  All of my years.  I've re-invented myself so many times, I'm beginning to resemble Madonna. Except for the voice.  And the body.  And the money.  Well, you know what I'm saying.

Ten years ago, you wouldn't have recognized me.  I wasn't overweight, and I did have the same dark hair, but if you'd had a conversation with me, you would have no idea that I ended up being who I am today.  Of course, I'm still a work in progress.  Aren't we all?  But since then, I've taken the time to sit and learn and grow and make decisions about how I want to live my life.  Ten years ago, I didn't even know what I liked to do, let alone knowing how to surround myself with everything exquisite, the way I do now.  Ten years ago, I wouldn't have had a great conversation with you, because I would have been too busy being intimidated by you, and trying to impress you into liking me.  Whew!  Talk about an energy drain!

With that learning came clear goals and ideas of how I want my life to look.  I realized that life is short.  You agree, right?  Life is short, and so we must make choices that result in a life we truly want to live and that makes us happy.  Choices that lead us toward the life we want to live, not take us farther away from it.  SO important!  We must make on-purpose choices about how we want to spend our time.  Or someone will do it for us!  And it may not be what we would choose for ourselves!

Another revelation that came to me was this:  Our results and outcomes are choice-driven. Every choice we make will lead us into a direction.  We get to make those choices and we get to lead our lives toward our goals.  So we better make good choices, right?  If you don't choose how to spend your life and your time, trust me, someone else will spend your time for you.  If you don't learn to say no in a way that people understand that you mean no, you'll find yourself working on someone else's goals, rather than your own.  There have been many times in my life that I would shake my head and ask myself how I ended up doing something. The reason, I had to admit to myself, is that there are people who are strong. There are people who can find their way into my "yes" and I needed learn how to manage my choices!

Once this next little light bulb went on over my head, I found my path.  I learned this from a National Sales Director for Mary Kay Cosmetics.  She said to me, "Time invested in one area is time away from another area."  So when I choose to write this to you, I am choosing to be away from something else.  When I choose to watch House of Cards on TV, I am choosing to be away from writing my next book, or spending time with friends, or exercising.  This is another reason that I wanted to learn how to make on-purpose decisions.  As an adult woman with goals, dreams and desires, I get to choose how I spend my time!  That is great news!  Any time I find myself with a task that needs to be completed, I am able to ask myself if it is a priority for me and a good use of my time.  And I say NO quite a bit!

Once you've taken the time to set your goals, choose your lifestyle and know what you want, you too will need to live your life on-purpose in order to live the life you've designed for yourself.

Remember that there will always be things that you'll be called on to do.  Some of those things are wonderful, helpful, important and of great value.  But you must have a mindset of discernment so that you know if you should make this a priority.  Once again, will doing this lead you to your goals and desired life?  Will it lead you farther away?  Or will it just waste your time?

Just because you are fabulous and would be the one who can sell the most brownies at the bake sale, that doesn't mean that's what you SHOULD be doing right now.  Just because you could lead the blood drive in your neighborhood and you'd be the one who can get more than anyone else, is it what you SHOULD be doing?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  It's your choice. But if you choose to take this on, you cannot complain later about your lack of time to focus on your own goals.

You must design your life so that you have your time prioritized and you can fit everything that you desire into your day.  The Universe has given every one of us 24 hours in a day. If you can't fit everything in, then you must ask yourself what you have taken on that is keeping you away from your own path.  Let go of those things by learning to say NO.

Once you become obedient to yourself, show up for yourself, and accomplish what you must accomplish in order to design your life and live the life you truly want to live, you will find that time will slow down for you.  When you invest your time in building your own life, life will reward you again and again.  Once you know how you want to live your life, and you gain clarity on the direction you want to go, the things you must do, tasks, chores, etc, will become very clear to you.

Always remember that the life you've chosen to live is your responsibility to create.  Just because you have to say no to someone when they call upon you to help with their goals, doesn't mean you hate them, doesn't mean you don't care about them, doesn't mean you don't care about their cause.  It just means that you are designing your life.  You are setting goals.  You are making choices to lead you into the direction you have chosen.

It is ok that the extra task someone wants you to do for them is just not your season right now.  It can be in the future, but right now, you're focused on designing your most brilliant life!

Please leave me a comment about this topic!  I'd love to know what you think!

Love,
Donna

For more information on this topic and many others, please visit my website, www.brilliancefactor.com 

You will get inspired and learn a few things about yourself!  If you would like to work with me on this topic, I'd love to coach you through it.  Please contact me!  And while you're on the website, sign up for our emails!  You'll be a part of a wonderful group of people who will all inspire you, as well as receive invitations to some exclusive events that are coming up!

NEEDING A LITTLE CAVE TIME?

Hello Love!

Tell me this, have you ever felt as though you need to lock yourself away somewhere and just enjoy the silence and peace and solitude?  I know I have.  Many people feel this way these days because of all the rushing and stress we feel on a daily basis.  Most of us have the responsibility of a job, a boss, a family, children, co-workers, bills, obligations, which definitely build our stress level.  Add to that the stress we feel from just listening to the news every day!  And who the heck are we going to vote for???  Ugh!

The concept of "Cave Time" comes to us from John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  His philosophy states that when a man comes home from work, he needs quiet time to decompress after his long day, and his wife must allow him that time before she begins to share her day with him.

To that I say, "HIS long day?  What about MY long day?"  Well, let me tell you, I jumped on the idea of cave time 100 years ago, when I first heard about this philosophy.  To me - and I'd bet you as well - few things are as relaxing as some time away from all of the noise of our lives.  To enter a quiet home or room, put on some music, light a candle or two, close my eyes and let the feeling of peace and calm wash over me.

Do you feel this is something that would be good for you?  Well, I am here to tell you that giving yourself this gift occasionally can be life changing.  To let everything go for an hour or so - or 3 hours - or 30 minutes, is a beautiful time of freedom.

In Virginia Woolf's book, "A room of one's own" she tells us, "A woman must have her own money and a room of her own in order to be a writer."

Money will be another post, but Virginia's idea of a room of one's own to write is what we must pay attention to.  In order to be creative, and comfortable in your own skin, and comfortable with who you truly are as an individual, you must have the time and space to yourself.  You must have time to think without interruption.  Without criticism.  Without judgement.  You must have time to examine who you are, how you feel and what you truly want.  Most women try to make these choices and figure things out with the noise of their lives swirling around their heads.  With that noise and distraction, she'll come to half of a conclusion.  But in the quiet time, the alone time, all the answers become clear.

So give yourself this beautiful gift.  Find a place that is quiet and make it your own.  Ask your family to allow you a bit of quiet time here and there to relax.  If you get push back from them, and you just might, then find a quiet place to go.  A bookstore, a cafe, a park, a quiet coffee shop.  Take yourself there and relax.  Go into your "cave" and let that time be all about YOU.  If it feels uncomfortable, as though you have too much to do, then you need cave time even more!  Start small.  Take 15 minutes.  Then increase the time as you become more and more comfortable with yourself.

So, my beautiful friend, from this day forward, you have permission to give yourself some "Cave Time."  I promise you that you'll get more from this time to yourself than you can possibly imagine.  It is SO worth it!

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think about this subject and if you would like me to address any specific subject that concerns you!

Love,
Donna

PS.  For more information on this topic and others, please visit my website:

www.brilliancefactor.com

Here you will get inspired, as well as learn how you can work with me!  Sign up there to become part of this BRILLIANT community and you'll receive invitations to some fun events that are coming up!!!  Cheers to you!

Letting go of Mr. Wrong!

It happens to everyone at one time or another in their lives.  We come to realize that the Mr. Right we've put our faith into, has become Mr. Wrong.  Remember Bridget Jones when she finally realized that Hugh Grant was absolutely poison for her?  She went bat-shit crazy! Started drinking and smoking and eating, and eating, and eating...

There is just no getting around the fact that dealing with Mr. Wrong is going to be difficult in one way or another.  Whether you end the relationship or he does, there will be feelings of self-doubt and many hours of questioning what went wrong.  Well, let me ease your mind a little bit.  NOTHING went wrong.  And EVERYTHING went wrong.  Most of the time when relationships don't work out - unless cheating was involved - timing is one of the biggest issues.

I remember dating a great guy 100 years ago when I lived in Pittsburgh.  He was a prominent local celebrity - a popular radio DJ.  I loved him.  Then he loved me.  Then I loved him.  Then he loved me.  We just couldn't get onto the same page at the same time.  Also, he was 17 years older than me.  So if I had married him, he'd probably be dead by now.  And would I be a rich widow?  Probably not.  Was he really Mr. Wrong?  Absolutely not.  This is just an example of that timing issue.

There is another "great guy" that I dated when I lived in Johnstown, Pennsylvania.  This cool, smart guy was named Brad.  Brad was a young attorney.  I loved him.  He never loved me.  We dated for a few months and then he decided that I was getting too serious and he wasn't ready for any sort of commitment.  Brad hurt me.  So what did I do?  I started dating one of his friends, Randy.  Randy was cute.  And really stupid.  I couldn't take it. So I ended that very quickly.

One month after Brad and I stopped seeing each other, and two weeks after I stopped seeing Randy because, really, he must have been lobotomized at some point, I was with a couple girlfriends at a concert.  Guess who was sitting exactly behind me in the 18,000 seat arena?  Well it was Brad, of course!  With is new..... are you ready?  His new FIANCE! Seriously??  This was the guy who wasn't ready for any sort of commitment.  I couldn't decide if I should cry or throw my drink at him.  What does this all mean?  TIMING IS EVERYTHING.  He met the right person at the right moment and it all fell into place for him. Yay for Brad!

So when we find ourselves in a situation where our heart needs some mending, I want to share with you a few things I've learned from my mentors and my girlfriends, and also from some of the guys I've dated.  

1.  FOCUS ON YOU...  Even when things are great in the relationship, don't lose track of yourself.  Do what you love.  Do you like old movies?  Watch movies.  Have you wanted to write a book?  Get started on that.  You'll be surprised at how interesting you will become to the Brads of the world when you're as focused on YOU as you are on them. Even if you are dating Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp, you will need to remember that YOU are a priority.  If you don't, you just might become dull!  NO! WHAT? YOU?  Darling, nothing is more boring than a woman (or man) who is 100% focused on their partner and neglecting themselves. When you make yourself a priority, the right person will show up and you will be prepared for that person.  And more importantly, you will be their equal, not their doormat.

2.  Does the relationship really have to end?  If so, now is the perfect time for a sacrificial bond fire to eliminate everything you have that reminds you of the ASS.  Please know that I do not suggest a REAL bond fire.  Throw the shit into a bag and toss it into the trash - along with him/her.  You need to move on, and holding on to all the sweet little things you have left over - movie tickets, the Birthday card he gave you, the little note he left on your car when you first met - it's all crap.  Get rid of it and refer to lesson number 1 above.

3.  LET YOURSELF FEEL..  Rather than burying those feelings, give yourself some time to just sit and feel it.  Maybe even take a few days off work.  Cough, cough.  You look a little pale.  Are you sick?  Take some time to sit and allow yourself to experience the feelings that you have now.  Get a big box of tissues.  Don't fight the feelings.  Feel the hurt, feel the rejection, allow yourself to have a good cry.  Pushing those emotions down will only cause them to show up at another time.  The way to get past the hurt is to get THROUGH the hurt.  It will not be a good day, but in the end you'll feel so much better.  Not 100%, but better.  And finally - remember this:  FEEL.  But don't REACT.  I learned this from one of my mentors.  Don't lash out at the jerk.  Trust me please.  It will not help.  I've been there.

4.  CALL IN THE TROOPS...  Re-kindle relationships with your girlfriends.  Resist the temptation to lock yourself away alone for weeks on end.   Get dressed up, put on some makeup, go to lunch, dinner, movies, all of it.  Your girlfriends will be there for you.  Yes, they will call you on neglecting them when the relationship was good, but call them, text them at 2:00 am, spend time with them.  When you begin to feel the urge to reach out to Mr. Wrong, STOP!!!  And then call in the troops instead!  Again, I've been there.  Reaching out to him with that one super-cute thing you decide to say to him will not win him back. Let him feel your absence.  That may not work either, but it's better than wasting your breath on him.

5.  GET CUTE...  Yes, those couple of tear filled days will require pajamas, result in puffy eyes, and eating comfort food.  But after that, it's time to put on one of your cute outfits, your favorite lipstick, wash that hair and return to being the beautiful creature that we both know you are.  Yes, he is most likely an unappreciative child in a man's body, but don't let him make you walk away from your beauty.  Take that POWER back into your own hands. Never let him - or anyone - make you ugly!  I mean, he might be worth a few tears, but making you ugly?  HELL TO THE NO!!!

And speaking of ugly...

6.  STAY AWAY FROM HIS PEOPLE...  Contacting his family, friends, ex-girlfriend, ex-wives, new girlfriend will only hurt you in the long run.  Believe me, you will want to, but take it from an experienced, heartbroken person - this is a very bad idea.  Once you start down this path, contacting his people, you will walk right through the doors to crazy-town.  And there is almost no recovering from that - at least in his eyes.  Not that we care much about his stupid, vacant eyes.  But we DO care about how we react to all of this.  Let's not create more drama for ourselves.  If he has friends that tell you they will be there for you and that they won't take sides, there is one word I want you to remember:

BULLSHIT!

They will not be there for you, my love.  They will listen to what you have to say, and then they will immediately call him and his other friends and tell them how pitiful you are. Choose POWERFUL over PITIFUL!   EVERY.  SINGLE.  TIME. 

7.  BE THE BIGGER PERSON...  and God, don't we hate hearing this!!!  Especially when we're bouncing back and forth between hurt and anger.  Hurt, anger, hurt, hanger....ugh! Show up for yourself and everyone else as the classy, elegant, worthy lady that you are. There is no arguing with CALM ELEGANCE.  Period.  So make yourself THAT!  Calm and elegant will always win!

And although it is a bit cliche, SUCCESS is the best revenge 100% of the time.  If you run into him, his sister, his ex, his best friend or his mother, let them see you as the most beautiful YOU that you can be.  Let them see that you EXUDE class, self-worth and style. Believe me, it will be reported back!

When ANYONE says, "Oh hi....you poor thing...are you ok?.....How are you doing?"  HERE IS YOUR ANSWER:

"Oh my gosh, I've never been better!  There is so much going on in my life right now and I'm SO excited about it... Hey, great to see you but I have to run!  Someone is waiting for me! See ya!"

I suggest you memorize that sentence.  Just in case!  And once again, it will be reported back, I promise you!

...Not that you care what is reported back, because you have beautifully, gracefully, successfully and with class, MOVED ON.

So do this for yourself:  Go be POWERFUL!

Would you like a little more inspiration?  Email me at TheBrillianceFactor@gmail.com and I'll send you a special downloadable gift:  "5 Steps that will take you from Pitiful to Powerful!"

Also, visit www.Brilliancefactor.com and get some more inspiration and information on how to work with me!

If you've enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends!!!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!

Donna