Five Things I Learned In France!

Every time I go to France, or any other country, I come home amazed at what I've learned. This time, however, I saw 5 light bulbs go on over my head.  5 shimmering, glimmering disco ball light bulbs!  I'm super excited to share these with you for a couple of reasons.  

First, I want to inspire you to travel.  Get out of your comfort zone, wherever that may be. If you've never left your state, your city, your community, hopefully this will give you a reason to set out on a journey of your own. 

Second, I want to inspire you to recognize how grand and beautiful our world really is. Truly, there is so much to see and to experience.  A travel journey will teach you something every single day.  To realize that we aren't alone on this planet, and to form connections with people who are nothing like us can be life changing!  I highly recommend giving it a try.

Here are the 5 things I've learned from my recent trip to France:

1.  I need to slow my brain down!  Whoa girl, back it down a notch!

Everywhere in Paris, you see people taking long breakfasts and lunches.  You see them sitting at cafe's enjoying their 3rd cafe latte and never once looking at their watches.  So why are we always in such a hurry?  Is it that we're over scheduling ourselves?  Are we sleeping too late in the mornings?  Are we taking too long to get where we want to go?  

Actually, I learned that it is none of those things.  The French have places to be just as we do.  The difference is all in your mind!  We don't necessarily need to move more slowly. What we need to do is stop being so frantic!  The constant running around is crazy making!

Get yourself where you need to go, but get there gracefully.  Walk, don't run.  Saunter, don't sprint.  Plan your activities so that you have time to get where you need to go without the crazy rush!  When you do this, you'll arrive much more polished, poised and confident.  

There is no need to scramble, but there is a need to do a little planning.  Plan for calm. Slow down your mind and enjoy where you're going!  Enjoy the process of getting there.

2.  It only take one or two little steps to look like a supermodel.

The entire time I was in France, I was looking for the runway models on the streets.  Guess what?  They are there, but you can't even tell!  They don't wear Oscar dresses to lunch. They don't wear all of their diamonds to the park!  Their hair isn't perfect every minute of every day!

How do they look so amazing?  One word:  ACCESSORIZE.  Keep your daily wardrobe clean, stylish, but basic.  The fabulosity is in the accessories.  The beautiful pumps or boots.  The Hermes - or Hermes looking - scarf.  The great handbag!  These stylish items paired with your wardrobe of basics, will turn you into the rock star you desire to be! Dress French, baby!

3.  Every picture tells a story!  

In France, people surround themselves with what they have available to them.  Grandma's side table, Mom's linen napkins.  Auntie's pearl earrings.  A framed picture they took while on vacation with their friends or family.  The lovely people I met had beautiful, understated things in their homes and businesses.  When I asked about various items, every one of them had a story behind it and a reason for them to keep it.  

Here in the US, we may not have many family heirlooms, but we can still live this interesting life.  Be sure the items that you purchase for yourself and your home are things that have meaning to you.  If someone were to ask you why you chose something, be sure there is a good reason for having it!  Maybe it reminds you of your favorite relative, or reminds you that you love to travel!  Be sure you are curating your surroundings and not merely accumulating things without thinking it through.

When every item has a story, things become - and YOU become - much more interesting!

4.  People in France do not hate Americans!

And what a relief this was to learn!  Yes, I knew we weren't hated in Paris, but this time, I met some of the friendliest, happiest and most generous people in other areas of France.  I met a beautiful woman who explained the meaning of the American Cemetery in Normandy.  I lovely tour guide spent time with me alone, recommending restaurants to try.  Another sweet girl let her 5 year old play patty cake with me at Mt. St. Michel.  Nice people everywhere!

It all boils down to the Golden Rule.  Do unto others, baby.  Approach others with a friendly smile and 99% of the time you'll get that friendliness and the smile back.  Learn a word or two of the local language and try it on for size!  And above all, don't take yourself too seriously!  Laugh at yourself!  We are not perfect and we must accept that and have a good laugh!!!

We Americans tend to become very impatient when we don't understand something in the first five seconds!  We are not in a microwave!  Please trust me when I say the rest of the world isn't in one either!  Calm down!  Don't get frustrated!  And if you get angry, don't let it show!  People are nice to those who are nice back!!!

The French do not hate Americans!  They hate obnoxious people!  Don't you???

5.  Having it all is relative.

This trip to France taught me that I am very blessed with what I have in my life.  I saw people living in tiny shacks along the train route.  I saw a woman with tattered clothing laughing and playing with her children in the Tuileries in Paris.  I saw a man sitting on a park bench in Montmartre with a woman tear his sandwich in half to share it with her.  I saw an artist in Montmartre walk over to me as I was considering buying a small piece of artwork from a different artist, and join the conversation.  This helped the OTHER artist get the sale.

As I write this with appreciative, teary eyes, I realize that I have been blessed with SO much abundance. I have beautiful friends who are always there for me.  I live in a beautiful building that represents exactly how I want to live.  I drive a safe, respectable car.  In addition to writing to you, I have a job that I go to each day that pays me well and surrounds me with beauty and luxury.  I have wonderful mentors who do not judge me, but encourage me to move forward with my dreams.  I have parents and brothers who love me. I have been able to travel to many parts of the world and experience different cultures.

Yes, my beautiful friend.  I am truly blessed.  I have what I need.  Yes, there are struggles from time to time - just like everyone has.  Sometimes financially oriented, sometimes relationship oriented, sometimes trying my patience.

However, the bottom line is this:  I have all that I need.  And so much more.  I have learned to appreciate little things and I have learned to STOP.  Stop and take a moment to express my gratitude.  Gratitude for YOU, my readers, and for everything else that I have in my life.
With love,
Donna

For more information, please visit www.BrillianceFactor.com  where you'll get more inspiration, and learn how you and I can work together.

DESIGN OR DEFAULT?

What is your philosophy on life?  Wow!  Big question, right?
"I need a philosophy on life now?" you ask.
The answer to that is no.  You do not need a philosophy on life.  You already have one, whether you know it or not.  Let me explain.

You can narrow the question of life's philosophy down to these two words:

DESIGN  or  DEFAULT

Let's cover the Default philosophy first.  If you are living your life one day, one second at a time without giving much thought to where you are going, what you are doing or how you are living, you are living within the Default philosophy.  If you aren't a planner and you just roll with the punches, you are living within the Default philosophy.

To many people, this lifestyle sounds like an easy one.  You just go with the flow, relax, don't think too much, assume everything will work itself out.  This is a true statement.  Life will work itself out.  Trees will grown, sun will shine, rain will fall, and life will go on.  You'll have all of the ups and downs that life throws at you.  And chances are, you will be able to "handle" everything as it happens.  The good, the bad and the ugly.

The consequences, however of living within the Default philosophy is that while yes, life will work itself out, it most likely won't work itself out just to please you.  It may even work itself out in a way that may make more work, trouble and drama for you.  Remember, living this way places you at the whim of the Universe!

Have you ever known someone who is just full of drama all the time?  Flat tires on the way to work, mediocre relationships, troubled kids, troubled job situation, just drama, drama everywhere!  It is exhausting to be around this person!  They are late for things, change plans at the last minute and think nothing of making you wait while they put out their latest fire!

Now THAT is a tough life.  Do you want to life that life?  Do you HAVE that life?

There have been times in my life that it felt like every person in my life is living this way, and I hated it!  I don't think I ever lived this way myself, however, I'd be willing to bet that I've had periods of time when my life looked this way.  So what's a person to do?

Let me share!

The alternative to this default lifestyle is the DESIGN philosophy.

When you take the time to design your life, you are taking the steps necessary to manage and guide yourself toward a life you have CHOSEN to live.  When you give yourself the time to sit and think about YOUR life and what type of reality you choose to live, you can begin to create that reality, that world, all around yourself.

Now, just because you envision a world of ease, elegance, respect and accomplishment doesn't mean that it's going to show up on your door step in a big blue Tiffany's box.  Au contraire, mon ami!

Creating this life takes effort, on-purpose planning and a giant dose of mindset adjustment.  Does that sound like too much work for you?  Well let me tell you why it's worth it!  Once you create clear goals and place yourself on the path toward a life that you have designed for yourself, you will see circumstances calm down for you.  Once you choose what and whom you want to surround yourself with, you'll begin to make your daily decisions based upon what you want your life to look like.  They will be carefully thought out decisions that continually lead you toward your desired life.  There will be no random moves, no jumping into the fire without thinking.  Every choice you make will be on purpose and because of this, you will guide yourself to exactly where you want to go.

Here is an example of how the Design philosophy will serve you.

Yes, it takes a lot of work to sit down and plan your budget and bills.  But once you do that, you will be clear on what you have and where your money is going.  This results in less stress, fewer checkbook mistakes, and guess what else?  No last minute trip to the bank to figure it all out.  Even if you live on a tight budget, you'll KNOW what you need to do, what you have and do not have, and you'll know where you can spend your money, ad where you need to hold back.  No bad, self-inflicted surprises!

Here's one more example.

As an organized individual who is planning her life and working her plan, you will be writing out everything you want to do and need to do.  You will have scheduled everything for yourself and you'll know where you need to be and when to be there.  This means no rushing to meet someone you forgot about.  No more trips to the store after work because you want to go out and wore the wrong outfit.  No more aggravated looks from your friends because you were late - again.  You'll feel great - and all grown up - when you live your life by following your dreams and your plan.  The bottom line is, you'll be living your life on purpose and with CONFIDENCE.

Remember, I'm not suggesting that you force yourself to feel stifled by sticking to a plan that feels rigid.  This DESIGN is YOUR plan.  Designed by you and for you.

Will it take some time to get this concept of designing your life moving forward?  Most likely yes, but just think of the time and drama you will save yourself once it is all up and running.  Think of the last minute scrambles it will save you!

Creating and designing your own reality will offer you so much more than time savings!  You will be able to choose exactly what your daily life looks like.  That will be extremely valuable to you as you move forward.

As I always say to you, what we focus on is what grows.  Whether it is good or bad, what we choose to focus on creates our life.  When you focus on what you truly want and value in your life, you will receive more of it.  So very seriously I tell you, focus on the good stuff. Focus on it as though you already have it in the palm of your hand.  Focus on peace and calm in your life, and you will receive more peace and calm.

There are other wonderful things you can design into your life as well.  For example,

1.  Fitness and Health.  Schedule your workout/exercise time.
2.  Want to write?  Schedule time for that.
3.  Need to call your parents more often?  Schedule it.
4.  Need to de-clutter your closet?  Block out time for that.
5.  Car need washed?  Nails need done?  Windows need washed?  Schedule it!
6.  Do you have medical appointments you've been putting off?  Get them scheduled!

Once you begin scheduling your tasks and desires into your life, then all you need to do is SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF!  Easy!  Here is how it works:

1.  Look at your planner and what you have scheduled.
2.  Show up for yourself.
3.  Complete the actions or tasks.
4.  Celebrate the new you and the sense of accomplishment.

When you are setting up your newly designed life, ask your friends and/or family to help you by holding you accountable.  They will love to be part of the new you!

If you find yourself asking this question, "What exactly do I want?  Where do I begin?  What needs changing?  How do I start the design process?"  I'll tell you how I started:  With a bunch of pretty pens and a big tablet.  Just make notes:

What do I love doing?
What makes me happy?
When do I feel the most successful?
When do I fee proud of myself?
...and the big one:  In a perfect world, what would my life look like?  How would I dress?  How would I speak?  What would I be doing?  How would I be acting?

Take some time to answer these questions for yourself.  It will become clear to you, if you are living your best life or if you are not.  And you can design from there, by adding what's missing and deleting what's holding you back.

Designing your life, rather than living by default, is the most valuable gift you can give yourself.  So make a start and take a stand.   And let me know how it goes for you.  Stay in touch, and if you need help, please reach out to me!

Love,
Donna

And for more information, please visit www.Brilliancefactor.com.  Here you'll find more inspiration and ideas about living a life you love, as well as how to work with me!

JUST SAY NO!!!

NO!  Such a beautiful word.  Practice this:  "NO!"

You, my dear must learn to say NO if you truly want to design your most brilliant life. Here's one of my stories:

I spent such a long time trying to figure out who I am.  Years, as a matter of fact.  All of my years.  I've re-invented myself so many times, I'm beginning to resemble Madonna. Except for the voice.  And the body.  And the money.  Well, you know what I'm saying.

Ten years ago, you wouldn't have recognized me.  I wasn't overweight, and I did have the same dark hair, but if you'd had a conversation with me, you would have no idea that I ended up being who I am today.  Of course, I'm still a work in progress.  Aren't we all?  But since then, I've taken the time to sit and learn and grow and make decisions about how I want to live my life.  Ten years ago, I didn't even know what I liked to do, let alone knowing how to surround myself with everything exquisite, the way I do now.  Ten years ago, I wouldn't have had a great conversation with you, because I would have been too busy being intimidated by you, and trying to impress you into liking me.  Whew!  Talk about an energy drain!

With that learning came clear goals and ideas of how I want my life to look.  I realized that life is short.  You agree, right?  Life is short, and so we must make choices that result in a life we truly want to live and that makes us happy.  Choices that lead us toward the life we want to live, not take us farther away from it.  SO important!  We must make on-purpose choices about how we want to spend our time.  Or someone will do it for us!  And it may not be what we would choose for ourselves!

Another revelation that came to me was this:  Our results and outcomes are choice-driven. Every choice we make will lead us into a direction.  We get to make those choices and we get to lead our lives toward our goals.  So we better make good choices, right?  If you don't choose how to spend your life and your time, trust me, someone else will spend your time for you.  If you don't learn to say no in a way that people understand that you mean no, you'll find yourself working on someone else's goals, rather than your own.  There have been many times in my life that I would shake my head and ask myself how I ended up doing something. The reason, I had to admit to myself, is that there are people who are strong. There are people who can find their way into my "yes" and I needed learn how to manage my choices!

Once this next little light bulb went on over my head, I found my path.  I learned this from a National Sales Director for Mary Kay Cosmetics.  She said to me, "Time invested in one area is time away from another area."  So when I choose to write this to you, I am choosing to be away from something else.  When I choose to watch House of Cards on TV, I am choosing to be away from writing my next book, or spending time with friends, or exercising.  This is another reason that I wanted to learn how to make on-purpose decisions.  As an adult woman with goals, dreams and desires, I get to choose how I spend my time!  That is great news!  Any time I find myself with a task that needs to be completed, I am able to ask myself if it is a priority for me and a good use of my time.  And I say NO quite a bit!

Once you've taken the time to set your goals, choose your lifestyle and know what you want, you too will need to live your life on-purpose in order to live the life you've designed for yourself.

Remember that there will always be things that you'll be called on to do.  Some of those things are wonderful, helpful, important and of great value.  But you must have a mindset of discernment so that you know if you should make this a priority.  Once again, will doing this lead you to your goals and desired life?  Will it lead you farther away?  Or will it just waste your time?

Just because you are fabulous and would be the one who can sell the most brownies at the bake sale, that doesn't mean that's what you SHOULD be doing right now.  Just because you could lead the blood drive in your neighborhood and you'd be the one who can get more than anyone else, is it what you SHOULD be doing?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  It's your choice. But if you choose to take this on, you cannot complain later about your lack of time to focus on your own goals.

You must design your life so that you have your time prioritized and you can fit everything that you desire into your day.  The Universe has given every one of us 24 hours in a day. If you can't fit everything in, then you must ask yourself what you have taken on that is keeping you away from your own path.  Let go of those things by learning to say NO.

Once you become obedient to yourself, show up for yourself, and accomplish what you must accomplish in order to design your life and live the life you truly want to live, you will find that time will slow down for you.  When you invest your time in building your own life, life will reward you again and again.  Once you know how you want to live your life, and you gain clarity on the direction you want to go, the things you must do, tasks, chores, etc, will become very clear to you.

Always remember that the life you've chosen to live is your responsibility to create.  Just because you have to say no to someone when they call upon you to help with their goals, doesn't mean you hate them, doesn't mean you don't care about them, doesn't mean you don't care about their cause.  It just means that you are designing your life.  You are setting goals.  You are making choices to lead you into the direction you have chosen.

It is ok that the extra task someone wants you to do for them is just not your season right now.  It can be in the future, but right now, you're focused on designing your most brilliant life!

Please leave me a comment about this topic!  I'd love to know what you think!

Love,
Donna

For more information on this topic and many others, please visit my website, www.brilliancefactor.com 

You will get inspired and learn a few things about yourself!  If you would like to work with me on this topic, I'd love to coach you through it.  Please contact me!  And while you're on the website, sign up for our emails!  You'll be a part of a wonderful group of people who will all inspire you, as well as receive invitations to some exclusive events that are coming up!

NEEDING A LITTLE CAVE TIME?

Hello Love!

Tell me this, have you ever felt as though you need to lock yourself away somewhere and just enjoy the silence and peace and solitude?  I know I have.  Many people feel this way these days because of all the rushing and stress we feel on a daily basis.  Most of us have the responsibility of a job, a boss, a family, children, co-workers, bills, obligations, which definitely build our stress level.  Add to that the stress we feel from just listening to the news every day!  And who the heck are we going to vote for???  Ugh!

The concept of "Cave Time" comes to us from John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  His philosophy states that when a man comes home from work, he needs quiet time to decompress after his long day, and his wife must allow him that time before she begins to share her day with him.

To that I say, "HIS long day?  What about MY long day?"  Well, let me tell you, I jumped on the idea of cave time 100 years ago, when I first heard about this philosophy.  To me - and I'd bet you as well - few things are as relaxing as some time away from all of the noise of our lives.  To enter a quiet home or room, put on some music, light a candle or two, close my eyes and let the feeling of peace and calm wash over me.

Do you feel this is something that would be good for you?  Well, I am here to tell you that giving yourself this gift occasionally can be life changing.  To let everything go for an hour or so - or 3 hours - or 30 minutes, is a beautiful time of freedom.

In Virginia Woolf's book, "A room of one's own" she tells us, "A woman must have her own money and a room of her own in order to be a writer."

Money will be another post, but Virginia's idea of a room of one's own to write is what we must pay attention to.  In order to be creative, and comfortable in your own skin, and comfortable with who you truly are as an individual, you must have the time and space to yourself.  You must have time to think without interruption.  Without criticism.  Without judgement.  You must have time to examine who you are, how you feel and what you truly want.  Most women try to make these choices and figure things out with the noise of their lives swirling around their heads.  With that noise and distraction, she'll come to half of a conclusion.  But in the quiet time, the alone time, all the answers become clear.

So give yourself this beautiful gift.  Find a place that is quiet and make it your own.  Ask your family to allow you a bit of quiet time here and there to relax.  If you get push back from them, and you just might, then find a quiet place to go.  A bookstore, a cafe, a park, a quiet coffee shop.  Take yourself there and relax.  Go into your "cave" and let that time be all about YOU.  If it feels uncomfortable, as though you have too much to do, then you need cave time even more!  Start small.  Take 15 minutes.  Then increase the time as you become more and more comfortable with yourself.

So, my beautiful friend, from this day forward, you have permission to give yourself some "Cave Time."  I promise you that you'll get more from this time to yourself than you can possibly imagine.  It is SO worth it!

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think about this subject and if you would like me to address any specific subject that concerns you!

Love,
Donna

PS.  For more information on this topic and others, please visit my website:

www.brilliancefactor.com

Here you will get inspired, as well as learn how you can work with me!  Sign up there to become part of this BRILLIANT community and you'll receive invitations to some fun events that are coming up!!!  Cheers to you!