It's your story. Tell it well!

As adults, quite frequently we are asked to tell our stories.  What brought us here?  How did we get started?  Where did we come from?  What is our background?  What's the story, morning glory?

For some of us, our story is one of complete success, applause, sunshine, rainbows and Unicorn glitter-poop.  For others it's just the poop.  So what are we to do about this?  It is extremely important to figure this out because eventually, you ARE going to have to tell your story.  

I remember this one time, I was very young and on a date with the man-I-thought-was-of-my-dreams.  Let me tell you how wrong I was about that!  He invited me to a fancy dinner and I never felt more worthless in my life.  

OR... One time I was invited to the amazing, fancy dinner in Allegheny, PA in the Fall.  The trees in Pennsylvania are stunning in the Fall.  I met some wonderful ladies who were thrilled to hear about my work!  The food was to die for! If love to go back there - with a different date!  

Do you see the difference in my stories?

Here's another one:

I was an Assistant Department Manager in a big store.  My Manager quit unexpectedly and I really wanted her job! I spoke with the General Manager and let him know I was interested.  He said ok, and can you believe he let me manage that entire department for about just about a year without any increase in pay.  For the entire year, he dangled that position in front of me to keep me doing the job.  He even had me speak with HIS bosses about the position.  Then one day, out of the blue, told me he hired someone for the position.  I was just devastated.

OR...  I managed an $11M Cosmetics Department for an entire year when my boss left unexpectedly.  I really wanted to job, but ended up not getting it.  I did, however, get to learn all about running a large department.  I had great talks with people several levels above me who gave me some really good input and training.  I don't know when I learned more in my career than I did in that job.  I had outstanding relationships with my entire staff of 65 people as well as good relationships with all of my superiors.  It was this position that gave me the confidence to go for the position I have right now, as a Market Selling Specialist for a very high-end cosmetics company that is exclusive to Neiman Marcus.

Are you getting my point?

What stories do you tell about your life and your experiences?  Are you taking the time to hunt for the goodness?  Are you digging out the diamonds?  What picture are you painting of yourself and your life?  

Keep in mind that people want to be around successful, happy people!  You can paint a picture of the happy, successful you regardless of what you have experienced.  And you'll feel great about your accomplishments as well!

Let's examine a few possibilities.

You didn't go to college.

  

OR... When you were younger, you chose a path that consisted of hard work.  You jumped right into your field and you're doing great!  You can always go back to school.  You know you'll do it at some point when the time is right for you.  

You got divorced.

OR...  You had a great marriage for ___ years.  You learned so much about yourself!  In the end it wasn't a good fit.  But you're both good people and you will move on into a different direction for a while.  Besides, it's never a bad thing to take time to work on yourself!

You got fired.

OR... You got downsized!  Deep down, you felt that it was time for a change anyway, so this ended up being the blessing that is pushing you towards what you really want!  It's actually a pretty exciting time!

You are having a hard time making ends meet.

OR...  You just put a new savings strategy together.  You're trying to live more simply and you think this will really help you get to where you want to be.  You want to do more "nesting" and nurturing yourself at home.  You're looking forward to being low maintenance for a change!

You see, the stories we tell others are also the stories we tell ourselves.  You have the right and the opportunity to paint your picture any way you choose!  Are you choosing an empowering life?  Or a life as a victim?  That choice is 100% yours.  

Take a little time to think about the areas of your life where you may struggle, and look at how you are telling your story.  

If you're brave, leave me a comment and let me know how you tell your story!  And if you have a situation that you just can't seem to dig the positive out of, get in touch with me and let me know!

Visit www.brilliancefactor.com to get inspired and to learn how you can work with me!

Love & Nuggets of Gold,

Donna

VALENTINE'S DAY!!! (How can you mend a broken heart?)

Now hang with me for a bit.  This isn't going to be one of those sad, sappy love notes.  This is going to be a note of love - that's Self Love.  And hopefully a bit of humor!

So when we find ourselves with a broken heart that needs mending, which I am personally dealing with at this moment, I want to share with you a few things I've learned from my mentors and my girlfriends.  I must tell you, I have the BEST mentors in the world and the BEST gang of girlfriends one could hope for.  We're a small gang, but we're always there for each other.  And wow, have they been there for me during the past few months!

Here are a few of the things I've learned:

1.  FOCUS ON YOU...  Do what you love.  Do you like old movies?  Watch movies.  Have you wanted to write a book?  Get started on that.  You'll be surprised at how much good stuff comes to you when your heart is a bit raw.  Need to de-clutter or re-decorate?  Now is the perfect time for a sacrificial bond fire to eliminate everything you have that reminds you of the ASS.  Please know that I do not suggest a REAL bond fire.  Throw the shit into a bag and toss it into the trash - along with him/her.)

2.  LET YOURSELF FEEL..  Take some time alone.  Maybe a few days off work.  Cough, cough. You look a little pale.  Are you sick?  Take some time to sit and allow yourself to experience the feelings that you have now.  Get a big box of tissues.  Don't fight the feelings.  Feel the hurt, feel the rejection, allow yourself to have a good cry.  Pushing those emotions down will only cause them to show up at another time.  The way to get past the hurt is to go THROUGH the hurt.  It will not be a good day, but in the end you'll feel so much better.  Not 100%, but better.  Burying the emotions will never be a good thing in the end.  And finally - remember this:  FEEL.  But don't REACT.   Don't lash out at the jerk.  Trust me please.  It will not help.  I've been there.

3.  CALL IN THE TROOPS...  Re-kindle relationships with your girlfriends.  Resist the temptation to lock yourself away alone for weeks on end.   Get dressed up, go to lunch, dinner, movies, all of it. With your girlfriends.  They will be there for you.  Call them, text them at 2:00 am, spend time with them.  When you begin to feel the urge to reach out to Mr. WRONG, STOP!!!  And then call in the troops instead!

4.  GET CUTE...  Yes, those couple of tear filled days will require pajamas, puffy eyes, and comfort food.  But after that, it's time to put on one of your cute outfits, your favorite lipstick, wash that hair and return to being the beautiful creature that we both know you are.  Yes, he is most likely an unappreciative little boy, but don't let him make you walk away from your beauty.  Take that POWER back into your own hands.  Never let him - or anyone - make you ugly!

And speaking of ugly...

5.  STAY AWAY FROM HIS PEOPLE...  You will never benefit from contacting his family, friends, ex-girlfriend, ex-wives, new girlfriend.  Believe me, you will want to, but take it from an experienced, heartbroken person - this is a very bad idea.  Once you start down this path, contacting his people, you will walk right through the doors to crazy-town.  And there is almost no recovering from that - at least in his eyes.  Not that we care much about his stupid, vacant eyes.  But we DO care about how we react to all of this.  Let's not create more drama for ourselves.  If he has friends that tell you they will be there for you and that they won't take sides, there is one word I want you to remember:

BULLSHIT!

They will not be there for you.  They will listen to what you have to say, and then they will immediately call him and his other friends and tell them how pitiful you are.  Choose POWERFUL over PITIFUL!   EVERY.   TIME. 

6.  BE THE BETTER PERSON...  and God, don't we hate hearing this!!!  Especially when we're bouncing back and forth between hurt and anger.  Hurt, anger, hurt, hanger....ugh!  Just trust me on this.  Show up for yourself and everyone else as the classy, elegant, worthy lady that we know you are.  There is no arguing with CALM CLASS.  Period.

And one thing to remember, SUCCESS is the best revenge 100% of the time.  If you run into him, his sister, his ex, his best friend or his mother, let them see you as the most beautiful YOU that you can be.  Let them see that you EXUDE class, self-worth and style.  Believe me, it will be reported back!

When ANYONE says, "Oh hi....are you ok?.....How are you doing?"  HERE IS YOUR ANSWER:

"Oh my gosh, I've never been better!  There is so much going on in my life right now and I'm SO excited about it... Hey, great to see you but I have to run!  Someone is waiting for me!  See ya!"

I suggest you memorize that sentence.  Just in case!  And once again, it will be reported back, I promise you!

...Not that you care what is reported back, because you have beautifully, gracefully, successfully and with class, MOVED ON.

Happy Valentine's Day my love!

YOU are my Valentine this year!

Please visit www.Brilliancefactor.com and get some more inspiration and information on how to work with me!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!

Donna

How to Find JOY EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

Hello gorgeous!

I'm super excited to share this post with you this week!  Finding JOY is my favorite thing to do!!! The other day I had a friend of mine come to my studio to help me decorate it - turns out decorating is NOT my forte!  I admit it freely!

As part of our evening, we had a little appetizer-esque dinner with some great wine.  I bought some really fresh French bread and some artisanal cheeses, some artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, and things like that.  Silly me, I forgot to buy any sort of meat, but that's life, right?  We made the best of it.  When we sat down to eat and I pulled out the Truffle Oil to dip the bread into, she said, "Wow, you really know how to take care of yourself."  I took that as a huge compliment!  I was thrilled to hear those unexpected words!

When I stop to think about it, I guess I do take really good, nurturing, loving care of myself.  Why not?  Her compliment stayed with me for the rest of the evening, and when she left, I gave myself a few minutes to think about it.  "Wow, you really know how to take care of yourself."  Let's internalize that thought for a few minutes.  Should I feel guilty because during the XX years I've been on this earth, I have learned what I like and what I don't like?  I considered it, and thought HELL NO! And everything I served came from Kroger.  Not too fancy, right?

It's very important that we learn to find joy in the every day things that we do.   A friend of mine told me that it's the many small things we do that makes our life happy.  Not the one or two big happy things that happen to us.  If we make the journey from one small happiness to the next, we can live our lives as pretty darn happy people!  That makes total sense to me!  Let's take a look at any given day - a typical work day.  Stay with me....

We wake up at the appropriate time in the morning in order to give ourselves time to get ready for our day.

Q:  What does your alarm sound like?  Does it blast you out of bed like a hurricane?  Or do you wake up gently, with an alarm sound or song that makes you happy?
A:  Happiness #1.  You can wake up happy starting tomorrow morning!  Change that alarm sound now!

Next, let's jump into the shower.  This is a wonderful place to feel happy.

Q:  Are you using Dial Soap all over your body or are you using a decadent, luxurious bath gel with a wonderful natural sponge to wash your beautiful body?
A:  Happiness #2.  Throw out that nasty bar of soap and get yourself something that has the perfect scent or at least the perfect luxurious texture.   Take a few seconds to stand under the water and inhale the beautiful scent and feel the water!  Don't rush.  Enjoy this!  And let me tell you, there is nothing like a real, natural sponge to wash with.  Why not make this time fabulous?  You ARE worth it!

Now, let's talk about your morning coffee or tea.  This is another area where we have an opportunity to kick your happiness level up a notch or two.

Q:  Are you using the cheapest coffee or tea you can find?  Why is that?  Are you taking time to sit for a few minutes, journal, reflect, meditate, pray or just look at the view outside your window?
A:  Happiness #3.  This is easy.  ALWAYS buy the coffee that you love.  Get the flavor you like, even the most expensive coffees in the world are not THAT expensive!  Buy the GOOD tea.  Try the loose tea!  Get a beautiful strainer and cup!  If you happen to have a Teavana store near you, you can custom-blend your tea flavors!  WHY NOT??? Give yourself a few extra minutes in the morning and the permission to sit and really savor your coffee or tea.  Try not to run out the door beverage in hand. Even if it's just 5 minutes to sit and look outside, just give yourself that gift, and let your mind wander a bit.  This extra few minutes will help you get off to a beautiful start in the morning.

Side note:  Make your bed.  Every day.  No matter what!  There is nothing as sweet as getting into a pretty, made up bed at night when you're ready to go to sleep!  AND...it will give you yet another happiness for the day - but we'll count that one later!  It's still early!

So now, we've had our morning beverage of choice.  Maybe you loved it so much that you get another cup to take with you as you get ready to start your day.   Good for you!

Is there music playing?  No?  Why not?  Music can create a wonderful mood or drastically change a bad one!

Q: Do you know what kind of music you like?  If you don't, I highly suggest you spend a little time with YOU and figure it out!  My music changes all the time.  I'm planning a trip to France soon, so I've been listening to French music in the morning because it makes me so happy and excited about my trip!
A:  Happiness #4.  Get a CD or a radio station that has the music you love and play it while you are getting ready for work.  This is another excellent way to feel a little more joy!

What is that you're putting on your face, young lady?

Q:  Are you using the best skin care products that you can afford?  It doesn't have to be the most expensive product out there, but it has to be the best for YOU.
A:  Happiness #5.  Your skin care products should have a luxurious look and feel.  They should make you feel like you are the Queen of your world - which you are, by the way!  And it should be in a pretty container that you are HAPPY to leave out on your counter!  Smell the product!  Take a moment to massage it into your skin.  Be grateful for this luxury!

Are you carrying a handbag that you feel good about?

Q:  Ask anyone whom you admire.  Their handbag is important to them.  It's both functional AND beautiful.  There are no torn pockets, or weird strings hanging from it.
A:  Happiness #6.  It doesn't have to be expensive.  It just has to be beautiful and in great shape.  You should be proud to put it up on the counter at Neiman Marcus or Target and take your wallet out! You loved your bag when you chose it!  Take a few seconds to look at it.  Feel the texture.  Find joy in this little piece of fabulosity!

Are you happy at work?  This is extremely important!

Q:  It is a known fact that the energy we put out there is exactly what we attract back into our lives!  If you are crabby and unhappy at work, you will attract more crabbiness and unhappiness.  We BOTH know that's not what you want. You will never find what you really want and love until you learn to love where you are.
A:  Happiness #7.  Find ways to be happy at work.  You might have to dig deep for them!  If you don't like the tasks, find ways to enjoy the people.  If you don't like the people, understand that when you see something you don't like in someone else, it's generally a reflection of one of YOUR personal traits.  OUCH!!!   Relax.  Do your best to find the humor in all of it, and trust me, you'll feel happier! If you learn to be happy where you are, you'll begin to attract exactly what you want!

Now that your work day is over, what's next?  Are you meeting friends for a drink or dinner?  Are you going home to hibernate and snuggle on the sofa with your partner, or your dog or cat?  Maybe your dog IS your partner.  Mine is!  Nothing wrong with that at all.

Q:  Are you happy in your home?  Do you feel like you've arrived at your nest when you walk through the door?  Remember this:  Your home is your sanctuary.  Whether it is a large house or a tiny studio apartment, It is YOUR responsibility to create that feeling for yourself.
A:  Happiness #8.  Make your place exactly what you want it to be.  That doesn't mean buying all new furniture and accessories.  It means creating comfort with what you have.  Do some decluttering. Move some furniture around.  Light a candle or two, or if you prefer get some of those flameless candles that have timers!  They create beautiful ambiance and you can get them at the dollar store! And don't forget the music - your mood is your choice.  Keep this in mind and create the mood you want!

Do you feel beautiful in your lounge-wear for the evening?

Q:  What are you lounging around in?  Are you wearing a sweatshirt from high school?  Are you wearing old Victoria's Secret pajama pants that say PINK on the butt?  Are they old, faded, stringy at the hem?  Oh, my love...
A:  Happiness #9.  Head on over to your local Target or retailer of choice.  You can get a beautiful set of pajamas that are perfect for adults!  Something soft, snuggly while being pretty at the same time! Go ahead and get a new pair of slippers while you're at it.  Throw away the old stuff.  Those juniors pajamas do NOT create joy or elegance and you deserve better!

Now that you've used the best skin care you can afford and feel like you've taken fabulous care of your skin after a long day, it's time for bed.

Q:  Did you make your bed this morning?  You should do this every day.  No matter what.  No matter what.  No matter what.  If you are at home right now and you haven't made your bed yet, RUN and do it now!!!
A:  Happiness #10.  Getting in to a bed that has been made is like a fresh start.  It's such an elegant feeling to slip your beautifully cared for body into the sheets of a made up bed.  You may not have a maid - yet - but, if you did, she would make your bed for you every day.  In the mean time, you can do it in 5 minutes or less, I bet!

So you see, my love, all of the small happinesses we create for ourselves give us back a pretty darn happy life if we allow it and pay attention!   Luxuriate in it!  Revel in it!  Take your time and enjoy every second of that coffee you love, that amazing skin care routine, those decadent and elegant candles, that beautiful, mood altering music that makes you feel amazing!

If you follow some of these examples of how to find and recognize joy and happiness every day, and continue to look for other ways that you can add happiness, you'll find that you have so much more to be happy about than you ever realized!  And the more happiness you feel, the more happiness you attract!   Happy girl!

Now.  Leave me a comment below and let me know how YOU plan to incorporate some happy moments into your beautiful, luxurious, decadent world!

With love and brilliance!
Donna

Take a few minutes to visit www.brilliancefactor.com   where you'll find even more inspiration!
Also, you'll learn how you can work with ME!  Hope to see you there!!