Now don't get me wrong, I am all about keeping your own secrets, not airing your dirty laundry, not over sharing everything that you've ever done in your past. There are things that you should absolutely keep to yourself. And we as women love a little secret, don't we? So once again, don't think for a minute that I'm suggesting you hold an intervention for yourself, invite everyone you know and spill your guts. Absolutely not! What I am suggesting though, is that you find a way to look at your past, accept what has happened, learn the lesson and MOVE ON FROM IT!
Let's examine my suggestions for getting past any guilt and shame you may be feeling about how you've lived your life.
1. Look at your past. One of the best ways to get past any shame you are feeling is to take the time to think about the situation. Where was your heart? What did your life look like at that time? How were you feeling? How was your confidence level back then?
You must hear me on this. There was and is NOTHING wrong with you. Yes, you made a questionable decision. Big freaking deal! You made a mistake. Who doesn't make mistakes? You did something stupid? Welcome to the big girls club!
2. Accept what happened! Ok. As I said, you made a questionable choice. You made a questionable choice, and you made a questionable choice. EVERYONE DOES THAT! You must accept the fact that at that moment, you weren't perfect - like you are now! Tell yourself this, "Yea, I did that. It's just what I did. I did the best I could at the time." And remember, MANY, MANY, MANY OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE THE SAME THING! No big deal!
3. Learn the lesson. Ask yourself what the hell was going on? You made a decision. A bad one. Why did you make that decision? Try to remember all of the circumstances. What did you learn? Did you realize it was a mistake right away? If not, what made you think it was a mistake? Was it REALLY a mistake, or do you just tell yourself it was a mistake. What was the lesson you learned? Dig deep for this. Spend some time thinking about it.
Was it a mistake that you made again and again? Did you make the mistake only one time because you realized what you were doing?
Did you learn to respect yourself? Did you learn that despite how it felt at the time, you kept on living? Bravo! Did you learn to be a bit less impulsive? To think through consequences before acting in the future? Do you have advice inside you that you'd like to share with someone who is in the same situation you were in? These lessons are extremely important. They will help you re-write your story, so you can love your life and walk away from any quilt or shame that you've been hiding.
4. Move on, baby! Once you begin to understand why you made the questionable decisions you've made as well as the lessons you've learned, you can move on. You'll be able to tell your story - if you choose to do so - with a sense of calm acceptance.
Try to re-tell your story to yourself. This may take some practice. When you are writing, keep in mind who you were at the time, what the circumstances were in your life at the time, and what lessons you learned from it. Then once you know the story you choose to tell, and if you choose to do so, find a close friend who you can share your story with. I recommend doing this at least once, just to see how it feels.
While you are working through this, you must internalize this: YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD DO AT THE TIME WITH THE TOOLS YOU HAD TO WORK WITH. YOU LEARNED A LESSON AND NO ONE WILL EVER ACCUSE YOU OF NOT LIVING AN INTERESTING LIFE!!!
My love, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Please believe me. Share it, or keep it all to yourself. Regardless of what you choose to do with the information, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR YOU TO BE ASHAMED OF YOUR PAST.
Your past has brought you to where you are right now. Are there improvements that can be made in your life now? Fine! Make them! Are you finally where you want to be? Remember that one tiny little change in the path you have taken, and you wouldn't be where you are now.
So please, if you have any shame or regret from your past, follow my steps to get yourself past those feelings. Who knows how many other women need to learn from you!!!
Love,
Donna
PS. For more inspiration or help, please visit my www.brilliancefactor.com
Or email me at Donna.tbf@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you!
