.....Once the pity party was over and I figured out what I needed to fix, I felt 100 pounds of weight fly off of my shoulders. I felt happy! I felt like a light bulb went on over my head! I felt free! I felt opened up to new possibilities! And it SCARED the shit out of me.
The BIG thing I needed to do was: LEARN TO SAY NO.
Once I made the decision to learn to say no, I actually had to say the word to some people. That was scary. But I thought, start small. The ladies who lived on my street used to meet up twice each week for book club. Twice! Why? Don't normal book clubs meet up once each month? Twice each week didn't even give me time to read the book!
"No" number one was to call the secretary of the "Bored Housewives Club" and tell her I couldn't come to the meetings any more. PS and by the way.... I was the ONLY woman in my posh neighborhood in Connecticut that actually worked. Everyone else played tennis at the Country Club full time. I used to joke with them that none of them would be the next Anna Kournikova. They were all over 40 and Anna was about 18. Do the math. Some of the ladies would even put their children in day care so they could play tennis all afternoon. Me? Resentful? Sure made the phone call easier to make. They were great ladies. Fun and interesting. Bye bye. I'm sure they didn't miss me much after the fourth or fifth bottle of wine!
"No" number 2 was to my current husband. That was a little harder. I had to tell him that I was going to hire a cleaning lady. I was saying no to cleaning a huge, dusty house by myself. Strange, that man. No matter how much money I made, it was all his! How the HELL did I let that happen? Shame on me. He wasn't even all that cute! And as you might imagine, he said, "Absolutely not. I will not have some stranger in my house." And as you might imagine, I decided to sneak a cleaning lady in once each week anyway. It was BRILLIANT. For a while at least. Of course I got caught. I panicked and introduced her as my friend, whom I was helping out! He was a jerk, but he wasn't stupid. Naturally, he knew I was lying and naturally, there was an argument. I held my ground and told him I was going to continue having her come to clean. If we wasn't ok with it, I'd continue having her come when he was at work. Period. Five days later it was all over. I had my cleaning lady and he and I never talked about it again. He's gone now.
"No" number 3 I felt a little guilty about. For a minute. Then I got over it. I was asked to volunteer some time at our local grade school. I do not have children, but that small detail didn't stop the PTA from asking me to volunteer a few mornings each week in the school library. Of course, being the weenie that I used to be, I said yes. Then about an hour later I hated myself for saying yes to her when I could barely find enough time in the day to get everything else done. I called the school and backed out of the agreement. No judging please.
Why am I telling you all of this? One reason: YOU must learn to say no.
How can you accomplish all of your goals and live your fabulous, brilliant life if you spend all of your time doing things for other people? Let me explain!!! We all have our favorite organizations, charities, etc. that we want to be part of. I certainly do, and I find a way to help as much as I can. Sometimes I help by sending a little money. Sometimes I help by donating food. Sometimes I help by showing up at an event an rolling up my sleeves. I help based upon what I am able to fit into my life and my at that time.
Let me ask you this: Who do you need to say no to? Is it a girlfriend who is an energy drainer? Is it a group you joined that is sucking the life out of you?
Especially while you are learning to manage your life and create your super organized, powerful self, you need to very closely manage with whom and with what you are filling your time. There are 24 hours in a day. You need to get a good night's sleep every night if possible. There goes 8. Do you work? There goes another 8. That leaves you 8 good hours to build, create, nurture, redecorate, declutter, achieve your goals and LIVE. There is no honor in volunteering so much of your time that your own life suffers. Make sure you are saying NO when you need to say no. Make sure you are managing your time. Even micro-managing your own time is good for you when you're working on your OWN BRILLIANT LIFE!
Once I said "NO" to 8 or 10 things that were sucking my time down the drain, I started to feel happier, more rested, more accomplished, less stressed. I chose what I wanted to do every day. I chose it, scheduled it and did it. Life got better and better from that point on.
So give yourself a HUGE gift. Time. Time for you and for everything you want to accomplish. Time to sit down quietly and set goals for yourself. Time to spend with your family without being interrupted. Time for a bubble bath and glass of champagne without being interrupted. Time to finish that great book without being interrupted. Time for YOU.
I promise you'll thank me when you master the power of "NO."
So now you're probably asking me, "OK smarty pants. I have all this time now. I admit I'm less stressed, but NOW what do I do? There's only so much QVC I can watch."
That answer is coming.....
