That PESKY Goal Setting! Let's talk RELATIONSHIPS!

I know that setting goals can difficult.  I left you with a few areas to think carefully about.  It can be overwhelming to examine these areas all at one.  So give yourself a break!  Maybe you need to spend a week on each area.  Maybe you need to spend an hour.  Honestly, even if you think you need only a few minutes in each area, I challenge you to spend a good hour or so on each one.

The more time you spend thinking about the categories and questions I've suggested, the more ideas you'll have about what you want your life to look like, and what you need to change to get there.

So let's visit those areas once again, one at a time this time, and see what we can accomplish together.

We will start with....

RELATIONSHIPS:  I asked you to pretend you're in a perfect world.  YOUR perfect world.  That can be really difficult because most people feel as though they have no control over the people in their lives.  But not you, my fabulous one.  YOU know that you can manage outside influences, right?

What about my husband, wife, parents, siblings?  Yes, you are stuck with them - to a point.  I'm going to introduce you to a word that you've heard and used before, but I'm going to yell it at you because it's so important.  Ready?

BOUNDARIES!!!

We all have people in our lives that are simply going to be there no matter what we do.  This sister, that cousin, this aunt, that in-law.  Do you have people in your life who are making you unhappy every time you speak with them or see them?  Of course.  We all do.  The way powerful, accomplished, successful individuals deal with this type of person, is to limit the energy they give them.  They set boundaries, and so can you.  You can limit the time you spend with people.  You can limit phone calls to just a few minutes.

REMEMBER:  YOU are creating your best life!  YOU are creating your dream life!  YOUR TIME IS LIMITED.  Believe me, we ALL have that "special" relative that we don't talk about.  We deal with him or her at holidays and weddings.  But honestly, YOU get to choose who you spend your time and energy with.  Now that you're setting goals for yourself, you MUST to choose who you spend time with.

I know a true story about the wonderful Mary Kay Ash.  You remember her, right?  She was the founder and creator of Mary Kay Cosmetics.  She was very active in her business up until the very end.  She was a strong woman, born years ahead of her time.  She spoke to her Consultants all the time.  Before the company became too large to manage this, she would call every Consultant on her Birthday!  How many times has your boss done that???  As you can imagine, some of the women she called would get so excited to hear from her that they'd try to keep her on the phone for ages!!  What did this amazing, powerful, successful woman do to manage that?  She had a doorbell installed in her office.  If a call was going on too long, she would press the doorbell and the person on the phone would hear the sound.  Mary Kay would apologize and tell the consultant how sorry she was that she need to go.  BRILLIANT, right???   WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!!???  Now THAT is how you handle a phone call!

You are allowed to be busy!  There is nothing wrong with telling someone who calls you that you need to call them back!  You are responsible for how you spend your time and if you are going to accomplish your goals, you need to learn how to manage it.

We all have wonderful friends we want to hear from, and that is great.  Just make sure you're not spending so much time chatting about your new Louboutin's that you forget what you had on your schedule for that day.

Do you have friends who just show up at your door?  Talk about an interruption!  Get a grip on that, girl.  You have priorities and things to do.  If she can join you in painting the living room, or join you for your grocery shopping trip or join you for whatever YOU chose to do at that time, then great!  Hand her a paint brush.  If not, then you need to schedule a date!  Meet for coffee at 10:00am.  Meet for lunch or breakfast.  Scheduling a shopping trip would be fun!  Key word:  SCHEDULING.  That 365 Brilliant Days Planner is going to come in very handy now, isn't it?

I know this is a long rant about managing the people you allow into your perfect world.  The bottom line is that you must choose who you spend your time with.  Do you have ENERGY VAMPIRES in your world?  You know, the friend who keeps telling you all about her horrible life and wants to drag you right down with her?  We'll get into the ENERGY VAMPIRES at another time.  For now, you just need to recognize that it's happening.

Here is an easy step you can take toward managing your time:   Let the call go to voicemail!  God created Caller ID for YOU!   USE IT!

So who should you spend your time with?  I always think it's a good idea to be around people who know more than I do.  I want to be around people who are honest and people I can learn from.  I want to be around people who are ALSO setting goals and managing who they allow into their lives.
Spend time with people who are going to lift you up and share that celebratory glass of champagne!  Allow people into your life who are growing and bettering themselves.  Positive, uplifting, cheerleaders!  That's who I want, baby.  That's who I AM for my friends and those are the relationships I want to nurture.

Whether you're "stuck with" someone or not, anyone in your life who defeats you, makes you feel inferior, makes you feel tired, is not supportive of what you are doing, makes fun of you and your goals, or makes you question your decisions, cannot celebrate a win with you, destroys your confidence....NEEDS TO GO.  Or at least be well-managed.  And YOU, sweet one, are going to be the MASTER of this!

Now, I hear the wheels turning in your head.  You're thinking:  Picking and choosing the people in my life??  Managing my time with various people??  Doesn't that make me a bad person??
I have a nice, friendly, uplifting, cheerful, honest, two word answer for you:  HELL NO!   Recognizing how people effect your life and your happiness makes you is a SMART person.  Doing something about it makes you BRILLIANT!

Feel free to contact me if you have more questions about this topic.  But now that you've read this sweet little love letter from me, take that hour I challenged you to take.  Think about the people whom you've allowed into your life.  Think about the time and energy you're giving to all of the people in your life.  And the most important question to answer is this:  Are you giving all of that energy to positive, encouraging people?  Are you limiting the influence that the negative people in your life have on you?

Please think about all of this.  Make some notes.

Chat with you later, beautiful...

A Brilliant Sunday!! Let's get going!!

It's the perfect lazy Sunday.  It's a chilly day for Texas, 73 degrees, partly cloudy...the perfect day for a cute pair of sweats - mine are cashmere, thank you Neiman Marcus Last Call!  A pair of fuzzy slippers, a pot of tea and a good movie.  Also, 2 lazy dogs asleep on the sofa beside me, snoring gently.  So cute!

I didn't always have the luxury of a lazy Sunday like this.  In the past, I would be running around like a crazy person trying to fit everything I could into my only day off this week.   But no more of that!  How? Why? Can I have some of that, you ask?  But of course my darlings!  I'm happy to share my little secret with you.

First let me quote one of my greatest mentors, Tony Robbins.  "CLARITY IS POWER!"  
For those of you who know him, you also know that he doesn't just say that.  He shouts it from the rooftops!!!  Why?  Because it's true.

Once I figured that out, life became a lot more simple.  It will get that way for you, too, if you want it.  Now don't get me wrong, you will need to be diligent with what you get clear about, but trust me when I say it will be 100% worth it,  and the happiest life you have ever allowed yourself to have.  You will get there in just a few steps if you will trust me and start the planning process with me by your side!

So who is with me??  Who is ready to start??

Step 1.  Decide what is important to you.  Run and get yourself a pretty notebook and pen.
Step 2.  I want you to draw a grid on your paper with four areas in it.  At the top of each area, write one of the following words:
     "RELATIONSHIPS" this section will include family, romantic, friends, anything that has to do with interpersonal skills.
     "CAREER". in this section well cover your work life.
     "FINANCE". Here we will cover your financial goals.
     "YOU". Write your name here.  This will be all about YOU!  Your health, your education, your well being.

It is important to take your time now.  Don't rush through this exercise.  This is where YOU learn all about YOU!  And it is super important.

Step 3.  Go through each section and make notes.  Quick notes, not paragraphs, but be thorough.  I want you to start each section by asking yourself this, "In a perfect world, where there are no limits, what do I want?  What would make this area of my life perfect?  Go wild!  Be creative!!  Don't hold back!!!

Let's examine the categories:

     RELATIONSHIPS.   In a perfect world, what would my relationships look like?  Who do I want in my life, who do I need to excuse from my life, and who am I sort of stuck with? Which relationships do I need to nurture?  Who do I love and want more of?  Am I being a good friend, relative, partner in return to the people who have been good to me?  Which of my relationships do I need to make a priority?  Wow!  All of that in a block on a grid?  Yep!  Give yourself some time.  At least a good 20 to 30 minutes to think this through.

     CAREER.  In a perfect world, what would my career look like?  What would be the perfect job for me, if I had no limits?  Am I doing what I love?  Am I passionate about it, or is it just a paycheck?   What SHOULD I be doing for a living? Do I already have that job?  (If so, lucky you!)  Do I feel as though I deserve a promotion?  Does my boss agree?  What do I need to work on in order to move forward?  Do I even need to move forward, or is this enough?

     FINANCE.  Everyone's favorite subject.  In a perfect world, what would my financial situation look like?  What does it look like now?  Be realistic.  Do I carry a lot of credit card debt?  Am I current on my bills?  Do I need to get caught up on my bills?  What would my life look like if I were not in the financial situation I am in now?

     YOU.  Me?  Wow!  A section all about me?  Of course!  How is my health?  Am I caught up on all of my maintenance Drs. appointments?  If not, what do I need to schedule.  Am I spending time on myself? Am I spending time doing some sort of workout?  Do I need to work on my Mental Health a bit?  Do I need to read more?  Do I need to spend more time alone?  How do I present myself?  Do I look like I just rolled out of bed most days?  Do I look like a million bucks???  Am I taking good care of myself, my appearance, my health?

So!  Now that you've read all of this.  Let's get to it!!  Start writing down your thoughts.  They don't all have to be perfect!  Do NOT lie!  Tell the truth.  No one will ever see what you're writing except for you.  Now is the time to do a good analysis on these areas and determine what you need to continue doing and what you need to start doing, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, what you need to STOP doing!

Remember when you're going through this exercise, to be NURTURING!  Be kind to yourself.  Be understanding, but also be honest.  Commit to yourself that bettering yourself requires brutal honesty and some time - and YOU are perfectly able to change anything you want to change.  Remember that nothing will change overnight, but more importantly, nothing will change at all until you accept the fact that it's up to YOU to change it.

I'm going to show you exactly how to do that in a very organized and honest way.

Ready.......??

Day 6.... Think, plan and celebrate!

Before we get started today, I want to let you know that we will get into much greater detail on goal setting a little further on down the road.  These first days of blogging are just to get you thinking about YOU!

Who are you vs. who you want to be.
What you have vs. what you want.
How you live vs. how you want to live.
What relationships you are in vs. what relationships you want to be in.

You get it.  Maybe you have exactly everything you want and live exactly how you want to live.  If that is the case then I want to meet you!  Just about everyone has some place in their life that could use a little work or a little TLC.  Well cheers to you!!  You are in the right place to get it all figured out.

Because this process of creating your best life shouldn't be excessively painful, I decided to write about the fun part early on in the game.  My friend and Coach, Cara Alwill Leyba has written three books that will change your life.  RUN....do not walk...to Amazon and get the following books:

Sparkle
The Champagne Diet
Fearless and Fabulous

Anyone wanting a better life needs to own these and live by her principles.

One of the many outstanding ideas that I learned from Beautiful Cara is the importance of celebrating something every single day. You may be thinking, "Really Donna?  My kid is throwing up, my dog pooped on the floor, I'm broke, my car is making a new noise that no one can hear but me, my boss is hideous and I feel fat.  What am I going to celebrate?"

Well let me tell you, my little skeptic... There is something for you to celebrate every day of your life.  So break open the bubbly, or your beverage of choice and check these ideas out:

1.  Celebrate the fact that you got through a day with a sick kid!  THAT is an accomplishment!
2.  Celebrate the fact that you remembered to wear your sunscreen!
3.  Celebrate the fact that you didn't run your boss over in the parking lot!
4.  Celebrate the fact that you have a car and a job and a dog in your life!

        And the biggest reason of all....

5.  Celebrate the fact that you have reached a place in your life where you can recognize that a few things need to change.
6.  Celebrate the fact that you now realize that YOU are in control of what is happening in your world.

How freeing is it to know that while everything in your life may not be perfect at the moment, you can change it and mold it and turn it into exactly what you want it to be.  You have everything you need right now to turn it all around for yourself.

So YES YES YES!!  Break out that beautiful glass of whatever you want and really feel good about what is about to happen!!!

.......what are you waiting for?